© 2000 by Ciarán Llachlan Leavitt.

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… NINETEEN A…

The reservoir gleamed darkly to the front and Reed climbed through a split in the fence, then sat on the pale concrete wall. Somewhere during the cold walk her anger had lost its edge, confusion and fear taking its place. Joggers ran the waterside paths. Assorted shreds of conversations drifted out over the water and mingled with the chirping crickets.

Noise was good. It gave her something else to try and concentrate on, instead of what had just happened, and what tomorrow was going to bring. Not that it did any good. Reed sighed and wished she had a handful of stones to pitch in the cold dark waters of Lake Hollywood. Even the lakes in this town were fake. Was anything here real? She drew a knee up and rested her chin on the bare skin.

"You’re good at that aren’t you - running?" Jae’s parting shot echoed in her mind. But it wasn’t Jae’s parting shot, was it? You left - not her.

No. I left first.

You don’t know that.

Sure I do.

How? Stumped, she thought about it.

She sided with him.

Did she? The mocking voice of her alter ego asked.

Who’s fucking side are you on anyway?

Yours.

Reed got off the cement wall and started to walk around the lake, silencing the internal voice. Wind whispered through the trees and she fell into an easy rhythm, not feeling the occasional stone underfoot, feet hardened by countless hours on the rocky beaches of Maine. Going to walk around all night? And tomorrow? What then? Going to ignore her then too? Face it - you fucked up - she had every right to be mad.

"Stupid press." Reed spoke to no one in particular, her voice carrying across the still water. Would Jae even still be there?

You won’t know if you don’t go back, will you? What’s the worst that can happen?

Deliberately, Reed turned and began the walk home.

… … …

Car or foot? Jae stood and considered her options. How far could she have gone without shoes? She exhaled heavily and gave the car a wry grin. Knowing Reed, she could be sitting in Starbuck’s - a little thing like bare feet won’t slow her down. Unlocking the Saturn, the blonde put the actress’ shoes on the passenger seat and climbed in the car.

What am I going to say? This was beyond complicated. Either way Jae sliced it she had to deal with this issue. The director couldn’t let it slide and the friend didn’t want to. She had no out.

Life was much easier when work stayed out of her personal life, or was that the other way around?

The key turned easily in the ignition and the engine roared to life. Jae turned left and headed for Lake Hollywood. The solitude of the park around the reservoir seemed the most logical place to look for the mercurial actress. The headlights swept the dark streets, melding with and then leaping between the puddles of light cast by the street lamps.

Jae squealed the tires then leaped out of the car. Reed stood in the beam of the headlight, skin pale under the glare of the halogen bulbs. Inky locks blew about the actress’ face, making it difficult to read her expression. Another car drove by and raked them with light.

"So."

"So."

The words came together and then silence fell between them again, the soft purr of the car’s engine insulating them from other sounds. Reed moved to the passenger side of the car and waited. Jae shook her head, eyebrow raised, and got back in the car. The actress was holding her shoes, disbelief clear on the chiseled features. "Why?"

"Because." That was the best she could come up with. She couldn’t clarify for herself why she had come after the other woman, let alone to Reed. You know why. That picture had touched something, struck a chord and she couldn’t get the image out of her mind. It wasn’t something she could rationally explain though. The wheel turned easily in her hands and she pulled a U-turn, heading back the way she had come.

It wasn’t long before they were back at the rental house, and she turned the ignition off but made no move to get out of the car. Reed’s jaw was still set, but Jae didn’t think it was in anger. More like she’s trying to hold it all in. The radio was playing in the background, keeping the oppressive silence at bay.

"Wake-up Maggie, I think I’ve got something to say to you..."

"Music is important to you isn’t it?"

Jae blinked, blushing as she realized she had been singing along. "Yes. I sucked at gymnastics, hated ballet - my mother didn’t think soccer or karate were seemly sports for a girl. Then when I was 10 my father came home with a chipped Ibanez electric guitar and a battered amp." She smiled at the memory, the horrified look on her mother’s face and the mischievous twinkle in her father’s eyes. "I played it till my fingers bled. It gave me someplace to go, I still think better when I’m playing."

"...steal my momma’s cue...and make a living at playing pool...."

"My job’s important to me too, Reed. This is my shot. This is the one thing I’m good at. I can make this film, tell this story. But I don’t know what to do. Where do we go from here? I don’t know what happened between you and Roan, and I don’t need to know, but I do need to be able to trust you."

Reed listened impassively, thumb running along the seam of one shoe. It was hard, but Jae kept from reaching over and touching the actress. She took the silence as tacit permission to continue, and struggled to marshal her thoughts.

"Nothing." Reed whispered, eyes still locked on some invisible point outside.

"Reed?"

"You asked what he took. Nothing. Nothing I didn’t give him or let him take. But don’t ever defend him to me."

"Ok, I won’t." But was that fair? No matter what he did to you, I owe him. It hurt, the possibility that Roan had used her, that he had hurt and used Reed. Hot tears rolled down her cheek. "But how do we make this work? I don’t want you hurt and I don’t want the film hurt."

Reed swung her head around, meeting the director’s eyes for the first time since the younger woman had picked her up. Instead of reproach and manipulation, she saw only compassion and sincerity - and pain. "You keep surprising me."

"I’m surprising myself." Jae looked down. "But for some reason Reed, I don’t want to go to war over this. As a director..." The words trailed off, and the actress watched Jae swallow convulsively before continuing. "Right now I just see a woman, a friend, who was hurt too much. I don’t know how or why, but I don’t want to add to that hurt."

"Is there a store near here?"

"Yes."

"Can we go?"

"Sure," Jae agreed and restarted the car.

They didn’t speak, but the silence didn’t feel as heavy. She reached down and slid her shoes on. Jae finding her hadn’t been an accident. The brown Wolverines were proof that the director had come looking for her. They pulled into the store’s small dirty parking lot. A group of youths looked them over and Reed stood tall, hovering protectively over Jae as they entered the store.

Reed paid for her purchase then stepped back outside to wait. The crinkly cellophane came off easily in her hand and she flipped the top back on the burgundy and gold packet, the protective foil discarded. Blue-gray smoke curled around her fingers and she took a deep drag, the nicotine doing its job instantly. She stopped and looked at the ember-tipped cigarette. Different day, different drug.

Through the window she could see that Jae had an assortment of packets and a coke in her arms. Chips. Was that a twinkie? Stubbing out the cigarette, she went back inside. "That’s not dinner is it?"

A guilty grin flashed over the director’s face. "Probably breakfast too."

"C’mon." She walked back down one of the grimy isles and grabbed a package of rice. From the small produce section she chose an avacado, a cucumber and finally, a can of crab.

"What’s that for?"

"Dinner."

"I was sort of going for something I didn’t have to cook." Jae said. The cash register sounded and change was handed back to the blonde.

"Least I could do for being such an asshole."

"I have a better idea."

Reed feigned hurt. "What? I may be mad at you but I’m not going to poison you."

"You’re mad at me?" Teasing disbelief was layered over the rejoinder. Jae spoke some words into her cell phone, none of which Reed understood. "Coming?"

Reed got back in the car.

"You’re not an a... you know."

Reed grinned. "Not a what?"

"Anterior opening on posterior anatomy."

"Asshole."

"Yeah that. You’re not one." Jae paused. "A pain in it, sometimes, but not one."

"Ouch."

"You’re kidding me right?"

"Alright, so I’m a pain in the ass sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Don’t push it," she growled, then looked out the window, curious about where Jae was taking them. So if I’m such a pain in the ass, why in the hell are you still here? She studied the blonde’s reflection in the passenger window.

"Be right back." The car door shut behind the director and she disappeared into a small doorway in the alley where they had parked. A few minutes later she emerged carrying two large brown paper bags and a large bottle.

"Jesus Jae, that looks like enough to feed a small army."

"A little of this, a little of that." She handed the bags to Reed, and the actress cradled them on her lap. They smelled wonderful, and she realized that she was probably as hungry as Jae.

The car hugged the curved roads and she watched the younger woman skillfully guide the coupe through the increasingly deserted streets. This was it, she knew as they pulled in to the driveway. If she let Jae in then she was also agreeing to resolve, at least in part, what had happened earlier.

Without speaking, Reed got out of the car and walked up the steps, still carrying the food. She left the door open behind her and set the bags on the low coffee table before heading to the kitchen to grab some plates.

Kung Po chicken and curried shrimp piled next to a heap of deep fried wontons guarded an open carton of rice. Jae was busily setting out various dishes, stealing the occasional tidbit with the chopsticks she held casually in one hand.

Reed plopped down and leaned over the table. A sweet and sour chicken ball fell prey to the fork and she munched it contentedly.

"Umm. You gotta try this." Jae held up an aluminum foil container.

"I’ll try anything once."

"Anything?" Jae drew the word out like the devil in the Cadbury’s commercials.

Dropping the ginger pork into her mouth, she purred, "Anything." A faint flush crept up the director’s neck and Reed laughed.

"I surrender." Jae put her chopsticks down, finished, and leaned back against the couch, glass of beer in hand.

"Surrender? I think you decimated the evil forces of Foo Young and vanquished the last of the Kung Po. I bow before the victor." Reed had put her fork down three eggrolls and a helping of curry ago.

"Ha ha."

"Now there’s a clever comeback." She stood and began to clear the debris from the table, as she stood, Reed caught sight of Rio’s picture on the desk.

"Hey? You okay?"

Reed blinked, "Yeah."

"He’s cute. He has your eyes."

Reed couldn’t help it, hot tears trickled down her cheeks, the lump in her throat so large she thought it would choke her. Strong arms wrapped around her from behind, and Reed allowed Jae to hold her. She wiped a tear away with the back of her right hand. Jae moved around slightly, one hand rubbing slow circles on her back still.

"I’m here."

She was being guided back to the couch and she sat down, continuing to stare at the picture on the desk. Jae was facing in her direction, hand over one of hers, but Reed couldn’t look at her.

"C’mere." Jae tugged slightly, and Reed sank into the remembered safety, listening. "When I was nine a friend of mine was in a horrible accident, and I remember my gran just coming in and holding me. She held me all night. She taught me that sometimes there was nothing you could say or do, that sometimes all you could do was hold someone and leave them to their pain, and just let them know you were there."

Jae was telling her that she didn’t need to talk, that she had a choice. "Do you think all our important talks have to go like this?" She had slid down slightly, her head cradled in one of Jae’s arms, facing away, and once again marveled at the deceptive strength in the slight arms. It surprised her how much she wanted Jae to hold her, so she relaxed a little, still unable to turn and look at Jae.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I dunno, you’re scared and carrying a ton of baggage. It’s got to be hard doing that all alone."

Tell her. Under her head Reed could feel the steady movement of Jae’s chest. She moved again, taking the pressure off her shoulder and rested on the director’s lap. She closed her eyes and basked in the unexpected intimacy. It was so easy to be around Jae, and she sensed that things were at a turning point. "Roan is...was Rio’s father."

Jae didn’t say anything, and reaching down began to smooth the hair away from her temples. The gentle touch reassured her, and Reed raised one hand to the director’s knee, squeezing it in silent acknowledgement.

"It was pretty sordid on both sides. I thought I was a big star and he fed the delusions with empty promises and unlimited drugs. I was stoned or ripped most of the time." It had killed the memories and the pain and she had gleefully embraced the new method of escape, adding it to the haven she found in being someone else. "Roan took advantage of that..." She stopped. Jae had stiffened under her and she hastened to continue. "It wasn’t love, but it wasn’t rape either."

The director relaxed, and Reed heard the soft exhalation of the breath Jae had been holding.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I kicked it. But it wasn’t soon enough." She ran out of words and closed her eyes against the images and memories that came with the words.

"How are you feeling?" A nurse in a crisp, clean, starched pinafore asked. Kind gray eyes watching her intently and a small cup with an elbow straw offered.

She took a small sip, running some of the cold water around her mouth before dragging her tongue over parched lips. "The baby?" A gentle hand had reached for her head, but she jerked back. "Where’s my baby?" There had been excruciating pain, a flash of a pale pink body and silence in the delivery room. She didn’t remember hearing a cry, and the last conscious thought she had had before the drugs had kicked in was that it was too quiet in the operating theatre. The mental film continued to run, the pictures surreal in the duality of watching and reliving the moment.

"The doctor will be in to talk to you shortly. Now I need to ask you a few questions." A clipboard was removed from the hook on the end of the bed.

She threw back the blankets and got up, her legs holding despite the sudden wave of dizziness. "I want to see my baby." The nurse was easily six inches shorter and Reed poured every ounce of energy she had left into pushing past the woman. "Get out of my way."

The nurse moved, one hand pushing on a small orange call button, sounding the alarm.

The long corridors stretched in three directions and she concentrated on the white words painted on blue signs until she found one marked nursery. Two white-clad orderlies were headed for the room she had just left, and she slowly made her way down the antiseptic corridor. Up ahead several men and a couple of older ladies stood facing one wall. They moved to let her in and her eyes anxiously scanned the tiny plexi-glass bassinets. She counted the infants in her mental image as she had counted them that day. Six babies, four in blue, two in pink. None were hers.

Real tears mixed with the ghost ones as the despair of then ripped over her again, the passage of time not dulling the memory. She fought to keep from falling right there in the hallway. ‘It hadn’t been enough. It had been too soon. Oh Jesus, I’m so sorry’. The stab of guilt hurt as much now as it had then.

"Miss? Are you okay?"

"Someone get a doctor, she’s bleeding." Words echoed in her mind.

She could hear the panicked voices in the corridor, but none of it touched her as she turned around and began the long walk up the endless, gray-walled corridor and out of the hospital. She ripped and tugged at the hospital bracelets, trying to destroy the tangible evidence of her guilt, but the metal catches had held, the plastic only giving slightly, stretching but refusing to break.

Numbly, she stared at the rippled bands. Reading them now as she had then. Tiny blue letters resolved into legible words - ‘Baby Boy Doe’, ‘Patient Jane Doe - #1367076-91’. Reed read the second band again, the meaning of those three little words sinking in. One hand on the wall for support, she turned around and made her way back up the hall.

A young woman in a white lab coat, stethoscope and clipboard in hand, met her halfway.

"Where’s my son?" she demanded for the countless time.

"Pediatric ICU." An orderly pushed over a wheelchair to them. "You aren’t doing yourself or your son any good right now. We need to ask you a few questions and get that bleeding stopped."

She resisted being shoved into a wheel chair, continuing to demand to see her son. The lens of time allowed her to hear the panic and desperation in her voice.

"Your son is holding his own; the faster we stop the bleeding, the faster we can go see him."

The relief nearly overwhelmed her and she nodded - not daring to speak, afraid that if she did, it would be a dream and her son wouldn’t be alive - and allowed them to wheel her back into the room, where the doctor examined the torn stitches. The nurse took station on a chair by her head, clipboard at the ready. A suture tray was brought in and the doctor carefully swabbed the swollen flesh.

"Let’s start with your name, Ms?"

"Reid, Lilibeth Reid." Close enough that she could remember it and different enough that Roan wouldn’t find her.

"Thank-you Ms. Reid. Now I have to ask you some personal questions. You’re not in any trouble. I just need the information so I can give you and your son the best care possible, okay?"

Reed nodded again.

"How long have you been clean?"

"Four months." She felt the need to explain. "I didn’t know...when I found out..."

"You quit."

"Yes," she whispered.

"Cold turkey?"

She nodded again in confirmation. It had been the worst week of her life. She’d locked herself in a hotel room just outside of town after telling everyone she had the flu. Roan had exploded in rage at first, the black eye that came with it a further guarantee that filming would be delayed yet again. "Is he okay?"

"He was premature. That I’m sure you know. His lungs are underdeveloped, and we’re waiting for a pediatric cardiologist."

"Rio paid the price for my drug abuse. I should be there tomorrow in person, not out here."

"You will be there. You can’t do anymore in person than you can do from here."

"What if I’m gambling his last days away? What if this is all the time he has left? What if Dr. Zerafa declines him? He’s been so sick, one thing after another."

Jae looked down at the woman curled in her lap, and didn’t have a clue what to say, so she took her grandmother’s advice and shifted her body until she was lying next to the actress, then wrapped her arms around the older woman. The racking sobs that shook Reed went straight through her and she felt her own tears spill over and run into the raven locks tucked under her chin.

What kind of strength had that taken? No wonder she hated Roan. She drew Reed closer, rubbing her back as she did. So much pain. She made her decision, surprised at how easy it was to put protecting Reed ahead of the film, ahead of protecting herself.

Somehow she’d find a way to handle the media.

Reed’s breathing had evened out and Jae continued to stroke her back, willing a peaceful night’s sleep on the actress. Her own mind far too active for immediate sleep, she turned the events of the evening over mentally, trying to put together all the disparate pieces and unlock the enigma she held in her arms.

It was, in a way, maddening. Reed was the only person she knew who could tell a story and leave you with twice as many questions as you started with. She smiled to herself, remembering the drunken actress and another story. Soon her own eyes began to feel heavy, the day’s demands catching her with a vengeance now that she had stopped. It wasn’t until she teetered on the brink of the dreamscape that it occurred to her that she should have set the alarm.

… TWENTY …

The most delightful sensation tracked across her chest and Reed moaned softly, the sound of her own voice pulling her further out of the pleasant dream and back to reality. Gradually she became aware that the comfortable weight sprawled across her body wasn’t her imagination. Sunlight filtered in through the side window, casting strange shadows over the room.

Jae had one hand tucked inside the actress’ shirt, thumb hooked on the outside of the buttoned shirt, fingers resting on skin. The blonde’s head was nestled on her shoulder, the director lying half on Reed, half on her side, one leg thrown over hers. Warm breath was trickling through the opening in her shirt provided by Jae’s hand, and she realized idly that she was responding to the inadvertent stimulus.

That wasn’t the weird part though. The weird part was the fact that she had managed to sleep with Jae literally on top of her. No the weird part is you don’t want to move.

Nope, not an inch.

She stayed. Reed looked at the still slumbering director in wonder. They hadn’t actually sorted out anything, but somehow they had reached an understanding.

The brightening light in the room told her that they were going to have to move soon. She stretched her head slightly and strained to see the clock.

Across the room a phone chirped, and Reed knew their time was up. "Hey Tigger, wake up." She shook Jae with the hand that had been resting lightly on the director’s shoulder.

"Mmmm." Jae burrowed deeper.

"I really hate to have to do this." She found the sensitive skin just under the ribcage and dug her fingers in, the mischievous glint in her eyes belying the sentiment.

Jae squirmed then lifted her head, green eyes widening as she met Reed’s amused gaze.

"Morning," she smiled down at the woman still sprawled over her.

"Morning." The blonde propped herself up, hand still on the actress’ chest and gave her a sleepy smile in return. Jae pulled her hand out of its Napoleon-like niche and looked up apologetically. "Sorry. I ah...umm."

"Don’t worry about it. I sort of figured you for a cuddler anyway."

Jae had gotten off the couch and had picked up her now silent cell phone. "Actually, I’m not; not usually."

Reed rolled her neck, surprised at the lack of kinks and by how rested she felt. "Me neither."

The phone chirped again, and the director’s response was lost in the noise. She left Jae to the phone call and headed for the shower. The hot water ran over her body, cascading over her breasts and down her stomach. One hand moved in a lazy circle with the soap, while the other traced a matching pattern over still hardened peaks.

She turned a shoulder against the wall for support. Soap mingled with water and her hands moved easily over her skin, tendrils of fire following her fingertips. The shower curtain fluttered as her elbow nudged it, the unexpected draft of cooler air sending a ripple of pleasure over her body as the pores contracted involuntarily. Instinct took over and she closed her eyes. Under her eyelids the lingering image of sunlight mixed with sea-green pulsed as she neared release. Reed could feel the muscles contract around her fingers and her hips jerked slightly in response to the rhythmic contractions.

Glad for the wall, she sagged against it and waited for the brief dizziness to pass and her breathing to return to normal. "Whoa." She couldn’t remember the last time she had done that. Guiltily, she looked in the direction of the door and wondered if Jae had heard. Deciding that the shower had covered any noise she might have made, she reached for the shampoo and efficiently washed her hair and removed the last traces of her walk the night before.

Reed stepped out of the shower, the cold air once again tightening her skin. Toweling dry, she could hear the familiar sounds of Jae walking around in the living room as she gave instructions to whomever was on the other end of the phone - probably that Waters woman. A cupboard door shut, the conversation muted as the director changed rooms, and Reed stuck her head out of the bathroom. "In the freezer."

"Thanks," Jae acknowledged. "No not you...now make sure MIS or IT gets in there this morning."

Reed finished with her hair and moved to the bedroom, the scent of fresh coffee perking her up.

… … …

"No, she’s still tied up in a meeting." Cait listened impatiently to Chambers’ rant about Jae’s absence. "You know how the freeway traffic can be. Yes sir, I’ll let her know." She placed the receiver back in the cradle and leaned back in her chair.

It was the first time in four years that she had had to cover for Jae. The director was never late for work; the AD just wished her boss had picked a better day to be late. "Must have been some night." It couldn’t hurt for the blonde to have someplace to blow off the pressure of filming. The palm pilot beeped a reminder and she got out of the chair, heading for wardrobe.

About to exit the bungalow that Pink Dishrack Productions was housed in, she stopped. Jae’s silver Saturn had just come around the corner of the sloped road that led into the Universal backlot. But that wasn’t what had given her pause. It was the car her boss was following closely behind that made her stop and watch. Reed Lewis had gotten out of her rental and approached the director’s car, thermos in one hand, laptop strung casually over the other shoulder. Jae got out and smiled up at the actress. Cait couldn’t hear what was said but Reed shook her head and twisted the top from the container and poured what she supposed was coffee into Jae’s cup, before resealing it.

Another couple of remarks were exchanged and then Jae turned toward the office, while Reed turned in the direction of her trailer. If the oversized shirt hanging off the blonde’s slender frame hadn’t confirmed Cait’s suspicions about where Jae had spent the night, the affectionate squeeze she gave the actress’ hand as they parted nailed it down.

"Oh Jae. Remember rule number one, Babe," she pleaded with her friend, though the other woman was beyond earshot. Cait waited until Jae was almost at the door before stepping outside. "Morning."

"Hey Cait. MIS get here yet?"

"They finished about an hour ago." Keeping her tone as neutral as possible she asked, "interesting night?"

"Nothing happened."

That was interesting. Jae didn’t even bother to deny where she had been. What Cait couldn’t figure out, though, was how they had gone from the pissed off ball of energy that stormed out of the office last night to the domestic scene she had witnessed in the parking lot. "Right and I’m the Queen of Bloody England."

"Your Majesty." Jae bowed and swept one hand out, waving Caitlynn into the office ahead of her.

The phone was ringing and Jae leaned over the desk to grab it. "Cavanaugh." The joking, relaxed posture evaporated and she could see the taut whiteness as the director clutched the phone. "Absafrickinglutely unbelievable. Find it. I’m serious Bill, you find that tape or look for a new job."

Caitlynn looked over. For Jae to come that close to yelling at anyone it had to be serious. The words ‘find’ and ‘film’ in the same sentence were not good omens either. Jae slammed the phone down and went to the corner where she began throwing jabs at the light bag. As usual, it didn’t take long for the director to calm down.

"Call Holly, and set up a meeting for this - no wait, for tomorrow morning. If we have to re-shoot Crandon then let’s fix the lead in to the first time scene at the same time."

"No problem." She made a note of it and watched Jae prowl around the office. "I hate to do this, but Chambers is looking for you."

"You know Cait, some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed."

Cait smirked to herself as Jae left the room. "I bet."

… … …

For a day that had had such a promising start it was shaping up to be a killer. Jae held the last traces of the warmth from this morning tightly, determined not to let Chambers or lost film ruin the memory of waking up cradled against Reed. The executive producer, as expected, had not been happy with the sudden flurry of negative attention the film was beginning to gather.

Absently she ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. Time for a haircut, Jae m’grrl. Bangs were beginning to hang onto her eyes and she made a mental note to pay a visit to the set hairdresser.

Blood pressure back to normal after her meeting with the production staff, Jae exited the bungalow and crossed the lot to sound stage 17. Inside, rehearsals were underway and she watched quietly, not wanting to reveal her presence just yet. The second unit director was supervising a run though of the hospital rescue scene, the extras and bit players responding well to his deft touch with the material. It was important that that scene played out believably - not like some evil nurse out of ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.’

She swung her gaze over to a corner, where Reed and Gwen sat quietly. A small smile quirked her lips as she studied the two actresses. Jae could tell Reed was tense, the set of her shoulders and the tightness along her jaw clear indications of lingering reserve. Light blue eyes lifted and met her mist green ones. She allowed herself to bask in the warmth she found there and smiled back before she turned away, headed for her office.

At that instant a mechanized dolly truck clipped the corner of one of Kerry’s bedroom walls and the set collapsed dramatically. Jae ran across the large building, but fortunately no one had been inside the mock-up when it went down.

She sighed. At this rate it was going to be a long day, a very long day indeed.

… … …

Reed unlocked her trailer and moved into the dark interior. She had left the air conditioner running so it wasn’t as hot as the sound stage had been. Once again she looked at the small table in disbelief. A grey docking station hugged her laptop and a seventeen-inch monitor rested on the Formica surface. It had been there when she’d gotten to work this morning, all set up and ready for her laptop. She’d discovered an ISDN line and various other peripheral goodies, including a proper video link.

Unfortunately they hadn’t been able to get the link at the other end to work; a conference call would have to do. A quick check of the time told her she still had a little time before the meeting, so she settled back against the cushions.

An idea struck her suddenly. She smiled to herself and reached over to turn on the laptop. There had to be something she could do for Jae. It wouldn’t do to fall too far into the younger woman’s debt.

Right. And besides, it would take her mind off of the upcoming meeting.

Reed fingered the casing of the laptop. The actress didn’t know what to think. Things like this didn’t come without price tags. How far? How far can I trust her?

Do you have a choice anymore? She smiled at the memory of Jae’s body sprawled over hers. No. None. Part of it she knew, was that in playing Dar, her resistance to physical contact had been eroded. Long held barriers released the deeper she fell into the role. And part of it was something else. Face it, you miss Rio. You miss the hugs.

As if on cue, the phone rang and she swallowed convulsively and picked it up. "Lewis."

"Ms. Lewis, its Doctor Zerafa." The cardiologist from Eastern Maine Medical Center, introduced himself.

"Hello. Is Doctor Chappelle there?"

"Ayup Reed. I’m here." Heidi answered for herself.

"How is he?" Rio hated being poked and prodded, the endless rounds of tests and medicines a drain on his normal sunny disposition.

"He’s fine. Geoff’s with him. He’s still sleeping off the sedative."

Silence hung in the air a moment, then the cardiologist cleared his throat. "As you already know the tube that was inserted shortly after your son’s birth is no longer doing the job, and he can’t continue on the Alprostadil indefinitely." It was an effective drug to keep the arterial ductus open until a surgeon could create a connection, but it was a stop-gap measure at best.

She couldn’t speak, her grip on the phone cutting lines into her palm, as she waited to hear whether Rio would get his shot at a future. The door creaked open and a harried looking Jae stepped inside.

"Sorry I’m late," the director whispered, then slid in behind the actress.

Reed hesitated, then leaned back into the cushions, accepting the support.

"Our best option at this point is to reconstruct the pulmonary valve. He’s old enough now that growth won’t be a big factor."

Tears ran down her face as the meaning of the doctor’s words sank in. She sagged, releasing the pent up tension and Jae wrapped her in a hug. "When?" she managed to croak.

"We need to give him some more time to recover from the last bout of pneumonia, but we’re looking at roughly seven weeks." He paused, and Reed held her breath. "The fact he successfully underwent a similar procedure looks good, but I won’t lie to you Ms. Lewis. The valve may fail before we can even operate. And as with any invasive procedure, there are risks. Do you understand?"

"I understand that he may die before the surgery, he may die during it, and we know he will if he doesn’t have it. So yes, Dr. Zerafa, I understand, only too well." Behind her Jae flinched, the director only able to hear one side of the conversation. "Heidi...?"

There was silence on the other end for a moment. "It’s his best option Reed." Her friend confirmed the cardiologist’s recommendation.

"Schedule it." She was holding on as tightly as she could to her emotions.

"Okay. I’ll get the consent forms prepared. Is Dr. Chappelle still a legal guardian?"

"Yes. Heidi can sign the forms."

"Good. Do you have the drawings I sent you?" Dr. Zerafa moved the conversation along, not giving anyone time to dwell on the possibility of failure.

"Yes." Reed looked down at the coloured illustrations, while Jae looked over her shoulder. She adjusted her position slightly to allow the blonde a better view.

"We’ll open the pulmonary valve and create a connection between the aorta and the pulmonary artery. That will allow the blood to flow through the valve and to the lungs to pick up oxygen. It’s basically the same procedure he had at birth. The only difference is, instead of bypassing the natural valve altogether and using a balloon tipped valve in its place, we will rebuild the valve itself. It’s a new procedure, but we’ve had good success with children his age and indications are excellent that he will be able to function completely normally."

"He wants to play hockey." She didn’t know what prompted her to blurt that out.

The doctor laughed. "It’s a good dream Reed, though I wouldn’t be putting skates under the Christmas tree this year." His comment broke the tension.

"Thank-you." Reed didn’t hide her relief. She’d been scared that because Rio kept getting sick that Zerafa would turn him down as being too high a risk.

"You’re welcome. I’ll be in touch."

The line went dead, and she sat staring at the phone for a minute before putting it aside.

"You okay?" Jae asked.

"Fine."

"My grandad loved hockey, used to drag me to the Great Western Forum all the time. It was a pretty cool place to be in the middle of a heat wave."

"We took the train up to New York one weekend." Reed smiled at the memory of the crowded rail car and Rio’s shining eyes as he watched the countryside roll by. "Rio wanted to see Wayne Gretzky play. We had to go to New Jersey to see a game. Madison Square Garden is always sold out."

"New Jersey? Now that’s mommy love."

"No, mummy love was standing in the food line, the merchandise line and the autograph line. I think I missed a whole period."

"He like hotdogs too?"

"Yeah, but he can’t have them. I let him have one that day."

"Reed?" came the soft inquiry. "I haven’t asked before, but what’s wrong with Rio exactly?"

"It’s called pulmonary valve stenosis." And it’s all my fault. The familiar guilt spoke, its voice never silent for long. Long years of exposure to the medical field allowed her to frame the explanation in tones much calmer than she actually felt. "It’s a narrowing of the pulmonary valve - that’s the valve that controls blood flow from the right ventricle to the lungs." As she spoke she traced her finger along the illustration.

"They can fix it? Can’t they?"

Reed looked up in surprise. Jae sounded as though she were on the verge of tears. "Yes." She had to believe that, didn’t want to think about the alternate outcomes. Couldn’t afford the distraction.

Jae’s cell phone chirped into the silence that had sprung up. "Hello..on my way." She squeezed Reed’s shoulder. "Sorry I can’t stay longer, but we have a problem in wardrobe. We’ll talk later if you want, okay?"

Reed thought about the offer, a part of her still reluctant to trust Jae with too much. It was hard to talk honestly about it with Heidi. She and Geoff, unable to have children of their own, had made Rio a part of their family and there were some things too painful for the three of them to talk about. Jae pretty much knew everything already. "Yeah," she said. "I’d like that." Their eyes met and Reed let herself enjoy the empathy and connection mirrored there, then broke away, afraid she’d stared too long.

Jae moved closer, hesitantly reached out and hugged her. She returned the hug gratefully, letting her body convey a message she didn’t have words for. "Thanks."

"You’re welcome. See you in a little while."

Reed leaned back on the settee, the trailer seeming empty now that the director had left. A favorite moment flitted through her thoughts and she closed her eyes. It had been a cold November morning and snow coated the fields and hills, the white blanket evening out the rough land.

"Mummy, mummy wake-up, wake-up! It snowed!" Awe and excitement were mixed in her son’s clear falsetto.

She opened her eyes to find Rio staring out the window, a wistful expression on his face. "Hey kiddo. Want to go sliding?"

Three feet of energetic joy launched itself into her arms. "Can we? Really?"

"Yes, but you have to co-operate and that means putting on all your woolens."

"Aw mum." The characteristic protest came on cue and she tickled his tummy, careful not to leave him gasping for air.

A couple of hours and a stack of pancakes later, they had hooked the wooden toboggan to the back of the Arctic Cat and set out for the hill. The snowmobile left a wide track in the fresh powder, the noise of the engine breaking the morning silence.

The hill was pristine, the newly fallen snow untouched by even the smallest animal and the toboggan had made a crunching whisper as it cut a swath down the hill. The tiny blue snowsuit-clad bundle laughed in joy, and she folded her arms around him, the wind blowing her hair behind her.

Laughter bubbled around them as they caught air, the wooden sled hanging above the snow for a long moment before touching down again.

"Again Mum?" came the breathless request.

"Yeah Rio, again." And she’d grabbed the rope, pulling him and the sled back to the top for the first of many agains.

There was a knock at the trailer door, a production assistant summoning her from her memories and back to work. Reed took a last look at the diagrams on the table. "Again, Rio. I promise. Again."

… … …

It wasn’t fair. Jae blew a deep breath out. It wasn’t fair. The cast was working together and the script was sorting itself out. And now she had Gremlins in the soundstage. Missing film, collapsed sets and interchanged clothing sizes. What next? Don’t go there, Jae m’grrl. Don’t go there. Her grandfather’s voice chimed in her mind, reminding her not to tempt fate.

Eleven o’clock. She still had a half an hour before she was due to run through the blocking of this afternoon’s shooting, so she grabbed her wallet from her desk drawer and headed out the back way.

The baggy cargo shorts she could handle, preferring to have lots of pockets and room to move in. But Reed’s shirt was miles too large; the actress also preferred oversized shirts. Jae smiled as she caught sight of her reflection in a storefront window. What was simply loose fitting on Reed absolutely swallowed her. Though, she allowed, the scent of sandalwood that clung to the material was an interesting perk.

Fifteen minutes later, a brown safari shirt from the Jurassic Park ride had replaced the borrowed cotton one. The director headed back to the studio only to find that Gwen and Reed were squared off against the second unit director, Michael Brust. Both women had their arms folded over their chests and nearly identical expressions on their faces.

Not again. She’d thought that the two actresses were over their initial reluctance to work in tandem. Jae looked a little closer, suddenly noticing how close together Reed and Gwen were standing. Hmmm, whatever is going on, it appears they agree on it. At that moment two sets of blue eyes looked over at her imploringly and she went to see what the problem was.

All three of them started to speak at once and she held up her hand. "Michael first."

"Gwen keeps changing the delivery order of her lines."

Jae looked at him, then looked at Reed curiously. "Your turn," she asked looked at the brunette.

"It flows better," Gwen supplied.

Reed added, "she’s right. The cadence is better."

"Show me." The two actresses moved over to the kitchen set, Reed hopping up on a counter top. Jae raised a brow. That wasn’t in the script either.

"Jae," Michael protested.

"Hold on. Just watch." She leaned over and whispered to him, "they might be right. And in any case they are working together."

"What’s that?" Reed, as Dar, started the scene.

"It’s going to be Szechwan beef when I finish." Gwen pretended to add something

"That sounds tasty," Reed leaned in over the pot, one shoulder nearly touching Gwen.

"You make it very hard to concentrate." Gwen paused and looked up into Reed’s eyes, their faces only inches apart. "Has anyone ever told you you’re a really distracting person?"

"Me?" Reed drawled in mock innocence. It was another subtle change to the scene but it worked. "No, actually. I’ve been called a lot of things, most of them nasty, but distracting has never been one of them."

Gwen blushed and laughed a little. "Well, you are."

As quickly as Dar and Kerry had appeared in front of her, Gwen and Reed replaced them, as the two actresses stopped the scene and looked over for the verdict. Some of the dialogue from the original first time scene had been moved into a catchall ‘build-up’ scene.

"Can you repeat it just like that for the cameras?" They were right. It worked much better that way. Sexual tension as well as friendship came through in the delivery of the lines. As a bonus their physical positioning would make it easier for them to keep out of each other’s key light.

"Yes." They both answered in tandem.

"Good." Jae turned to Michael and motioned for him to follow her out of earshot of the cast and crew. "Trust them with the material. It’s their job to sell it."

"Jae, if you let the Ice Queen get away with changing one scene, she’ll change them all. Give that coldhearted bitch an inch, and she’ll take a mile."

Her eyes cold with fury, Jae looked straight at Michael, the memory of blue eyes filled with pain and fear fresh in her mind. "It’s my inch to give her. Is that clear?" She paused and took a step closer. "And if you ever use that name around the set again, you are gone."

"How can you defend her? Did you hear her response to Roan’s death?"

"Did you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, she has her reasons? She’s entitled to her feelings."

Clearly he hadn’t and he shrugged apologetically. "Maybe," he allowed skeptically. "But Jae, she doesn’t have that reputation for nothing. Remember that hunh?" A crewmember called to him and he moved away, leaving her standing there alone.

Oh that was smooth. Reed can fight her own battles. She doesn’t need you doing it for her. Still, it was her job to set the example and standards of conduct on the set.

Reed was leaning against the wall near wardrobe and Jae watched as the actress took a long swig from a water bottle. It was, she mused, like knowing two different people. There was the vulnerable woman with the razor-sharp wit who had held her through the night, and there was the Amazon Ice Queen. Oddly, she liked both of them.

The caterers had brought lunch and were busily replacing breakfast items with fresh fruit and trays of sandwiches. A cooler of drinks was added to the table, and the blonde walked over and grabbed a bottle of cranberry juice. She wanted to go over to where the actress sat, script in hand, reading. Wanted, in the middle of what was turning into a very bad day, to feel the reassuring presence next to her. Instead Jae made for the camera equipment and began to double-check angles and lighting.

… … …

Jae turned off the light and exited the editing bay. The rushes looked good and depending on what Holly came up with tomorrow to alter the script’s first time scene, it looked like those scenes might work. Now all they needed was for the replacement wardrobe to arrive in time to shoot the scenes for real. It was that or a kamikaze trip through Macy’s. Yuck. Platinum credit card or not, shopping was not high on her list of things to do.

She laughed gleefully. She might not want to go, but Cait would. It wouldn’t matter to her assistant who she was shopping for.

Lights were blazing from Little Europe and the director made her way up to the scale replica town.  She watched with interest as action unfolded on the set and a stuntman came tumbling from the roof of a tall building while an actress looked on in horror.

‘Cut’ was yelled across the set and the crew began to set up for the next round of angles. Jae enjoyed watching other directors at work. It was funny how similar commercial shoots were to film ones. In fact, in a lot of ways filming commercials was far tougher than doing feature films. You only had thirty seconds; every microsecond of tape counted.

The actress who had been in the last shot moved to the side and Jae sucked in a breath as she recognized the woman. Becky. The statuesque blonde spotted her and before she could leave, Becky approached.

"Hello." Becky came to a stop so close that Jae could see the tiny pulse at the junction of the actress’ throat.

"Hello."

"Working late?" Somehow when Becky said it, it wasn’t a question, but rather an accusation.

Jae stepped back to regain her personal space and just nodded. It struck her that she had nothing to say to this woman. How can that be? Lamely she tried to make conversation. "Coffee or Beer?"

Becky stepped forward again and purred seductively, "I remember when it was coffee, tea or me?"

Her mind may not have had anything to say to the actress, but her body remembered the throaty timbre. Jae felt her nipples harden involuntarily at the familiar morning joke. Right up to the end, the sex between them had always been good, and Jae had no doubt that if she wanted it, she could have it again. Becky’s eyes said as much. "Times change." It took her a moment to realize that she had spoken. Guess I don’t want it.

The blonde actress stepped back. "It’s a beer commercial."

Before Jae had to respond, Becky was summoned back to the set. Her ex walked away, then stopped. "You need a haircut." Then she disappeared from view into a make-up trailer.

Jae laughed in perverse reaction to the understated poignancy of the sentiment behind the observation, tears forming in her eyes, and slowly wandered along the pathway that led to the fake lake used as part of the town set for Amity in ‘Jaws’. The night air was a pleasant balm to her jumbled thoughts.

She’d have taken me back. If nothing else I could have gotten laid, released some of this tension. The wind rippled the water and ruffled her hair, and she stared at her own reflection in the dark lake. Yeah, but on her terms. And that wasn’t enough anymore. She’d tried that route. None of it compared to the quiet joy of waking up cradled against Reed. Cradled against? You mean sleeping on, don’t you? She snorted wryly at the memory. You’re beginning to make a habit out of falling asleep on her, aren’t you m’grrl?

Jae flushed, recognizing the truth, then stared pensively out over the water. Falling asleep next to someone else was one thing – that, she’d managed to be able to do with most of her bedmates. But the director couldn’t remember ever falling asleep with someone touching her, never mind literally on top of them. That wasn’t the truly weird part though. The strange part was that sex had had nothing to do with what she’d felt on waking and seeing those intense blue eyes watching her warmly. And she very much wanted to feel that again.

"Which means," she whispered to the dragonfly hovering above the water in front of her, "I need to come clean and soon."

Reed locked the trailer door and hefted the laptop case over her shoulder. She’d left a key hanging around the neck of the stone gargoyle on Jae’s desk, since it seemed only the space around the figurine was immune from the clutter that covered every other inch. She wondered what the director talked to about to it – and if it ever answered. The thought made her smile. She could picture the compact blonde quizzically staring at the object, as Jae discussed ideas or film situations.

She hit the remote alarm switch on her key fob and opened the car door. A man stepped out from behind the shadows and grabbed the door.

"Can I have a word with you Ms. Lewis? I have an offer that I think you will be very interested in."

"Do you now?" she commented flatly.

"Indeed I do. My name is Richard Foreman, and I represent ‘Up Close’ magazine."

Reed ignored the proffered hand and stared at him intently. He flinched under her gaze, but didn’t back away. Instead he handed her a clear acrylic business card, which she refused the same way she had the hand.

"We are willing to pay you two hundred thousand dollars for the inside story on Roan Pirsig and why you walked off his set - then and now."

"No." She turned away in dismissal, but he grabbed her arm. The only thing that kept her from knocking him into next week was the fact that Jae would not be happy if she hit a member of the media - however dubious that title was for this man’s profession.

"I’m a reporter Ms. Lewis and I’m good at my job. I will find out the answers one way or another." He moved closer to her and looked her in the eyes. "And wouldn’t it be better if they came with compensation?" Foreman tucked the card into her shirt pocket and stepped back before she could remove his hand forcibly, leaving her alone in the small parking lot.

The engine started smoothly and Reed pulled out, driving on auto-pilot as Foreman’s offer ran circles through her mind. Two hundred thousand dollars - that’s a third of your salary.

Aren’t you forgetting something?

No. I don’t owe Pink Dishrack anything. Not a damned thing.

And Jae? What about her?

What about her? She mentally snarled back at the annoying voice in her head.

The traffic was light and it didn’t take long before she reached the house in the hills, mind more on the reporter than on the road.

Roan’s dead, so does keeping Rio’s parentage a secret matter anymore? If the reporters dig deeply enough it will come out anyway - they just didn’t have a good enough reason to dig before. Reed looked out over the valley of dreams, the lights of Hollywood Boulevard a beacon in the dark. Foreman smells blood.

Light reflected from the surface of the celluloid business card. Insurance, that’s what his offer meant. Insurance that there would be enough money. And vengeance? Does that play a part too? Maybe it did, she allowed, but does that make it wrong?

What about Rio? Her face softened as she thought about her son, a smile flickering across her lips. Can I, after all this time, do that to him? Media attention was something she preferred that neither Rio nor Heidi have to deal with too often. So far Rio had been shielded and Heidi’s brief brushes with paparazzi had been confined to the odd incident here and there, nothing major.

Roaming through the dark house, Reed continued to mull things over. It still leads back to one place though, doesn’t it?

Jae. The name echoed in her mind, her conscience not allowing her the luxury of self-deception. Would she understand?

Does it matter? But she knew it did. The young director had walked through personal barriers as though they hadn’t existed, awakening her to things that she had long since shoved out of mind.

Like the need be held. She’d spent so long holding Rio and being strong for him - and for herself - that she had forgotten what it had been like to be held. Had forgotten the peace and safety of having someone care for her.

It was, she realized picking up the phone, another tough choice in a life full of them. It was no choice at all.

… TWENTY-ONE …

It was still dark when she pulled the Range Rover to a stop in her allotted parking spot, and Reed locked the car, engaging the alarm. She loved this time of day, that almost non-existent time between night and day where everything seemed surreal and the world verged on revealing hidden truths.

Slowly gray gave way to the first tendrils of morning light and by the time she arrived at the white trailer, dawn had replaced twilight. As soon as she unlocked the door, the actress knew that Jae was inside; she just wasn’t sure how she knew. Maybe it’s because she expands to fill space, she thought, wryly surveying the scattered paper and the shorts lying on the floor in a rumpled heap.

The door creaked and Reed looked up to find Jae regarding her sleepily, green eyes still hooded with sleep. The director was wearing the white cotton shirt she had borrowed the day before, open buttons revealing a pair of gray and burgundy boxers decorated with an embroidered cartoon heroine - which one Reed wasn’t sure.

"Morning," she drawled, then brushed a lock of blonde hair out of her friend’s eyes. "You need a haircut."

Jae gave her a funny look, then shook her head. "Why is everyone so interested in my hair?" she chuckled. "I’m going to see the set hairdresser this morning. I meant to do it yesterday, but..." She spread her hands in a ‘you know’ kind of gesture.

"Work got in the way," Reed finished for the other woman, a grin quirking her full lips. "Go take a shower and wash your hair," she instructed moving for the door.

"Why? Where are you going?" came a cautious inquiry. Jae was regarding her warily, both blonde brows furrowed.

"To get a pair of scissors." Reed paused for effect. "And some coffee. To steady my hands," she deadpanned, swallowing the smile that threatened to ruin the effect, as Jae’s eyes widened in consternation. Reed didn’t give the director time to reply and closed the trailer door firmly. Once outside, she chortled to herself, then made for the make-up rooms.
 
 

Jae stared stunned at the trailer door as it closed behind the actress. She’s going to cut my hair? Then a mental image of Reed leaning in to even out her bangs intruded on her fear, paradoxically adding to her reluctance. Relax, m’grrl. Could it be any worse than what Danielle did to it in the third grade? She laughed more at the memory of her mother’s reaction than at the actual haircut - that had grown out speedily. But her mother’s horrified expression lingered on in sibling lore. Another wry thought struck her. I’m guessing that telling her you dig chicks while she’s holding scissors is probably out.

She moved into the small stall and started the water. Hot jets sprayed over her hand and into her face as she tested the temperature. Shucked, the borrowed shirt rested on the ground and Jae hung a towel over the bar before stepping into the shower.

Water rushed against her face and she stood a moment letting it flow over her features, waking her up and making her skin tingle under the force. The only soap she could see was a clear squeeze bottle with amber-coloured body wash. She picked it up and inhaled the scent. Reed. So that’s why she always smells of sandalwood. It foamed easily in her hands and Jae carefully lathered her body, washing away sleep and nervous tension.

Five minutes later, she had completed her assigned task and grabbed the thick towel, rubbing it vigorously over her body and hair. A sharp click sounded in the trailer as the door shut behind the actress’ return. After wrapping the towel around her body, Jae went into the main room, where Reed stood, brow arched, regarding her with interest.

"What?" she asked, drawing the word out in imitation of the actress.

"Nothing."

"Roo." Jae advanced on the dark-haired actress, trying to project edgy menace, and succeeded only in getting a chuckle from her friend.

Before she could formulate another strategy, Reed quickly snaked out a hand. Unable to dodge in time, Jae felt the towel come away in the actress’s hand.

"That was a nice towel you were almost wearing." Reed whirled the towel in one hand, nonchalantly transforming it into a time honoured weapon.

"Reed! Reed, you wouldn’t? Reed!" Jae squealed as the towel snapped at her thigh, cracking in the air, just missing the sensitive skin. She yanked a cushion off the settee and used it as a shield, as she laughingly tried to elude the forays of the fluffy blue whip. She’s playing with me, actually playing with me. It was a side of Reed that she had expected existed, but not one she’d gotten many clear glimpses of.

"Looks like I most certainly would, Green-eyes." Blue eyes flashed with rare humour, and the full lips were cocked in a lopsided grin.

Caught in her friend’s gaze momentarily, Jae nearly forgot to duck the next strike and only avoided it by throwing the pillow into its path. A maneuver, she realized too late, that left her defenseless. Breathless with laughter, she held up her hands. "I surrender. I surrender."

"Thought you said Amazon Ice Queen wasn’t a rank."

Wow, she’s in a good mood this morning. "That depends entirely on your point of view," she quipped, reversing the dialogue.

Reed laughed. "Oh I don’t know. I’d say I’m the one with the point of view. I was wondering where the second tattoo was."

Jae couldn’t help it, she blushed, realizing that she had been dashing about sans clothing. Even worse, it appeared that her body was betraying her, now that the situation and its implications had been pointed out. But before she could self-consciously cover her chest and the tell-tale evidence of Reed’s effect on her, the actress expertly draped the towel over her shoulders, then guided her towards a chair.

"C’mon. Sit down."

She sat, but looked up, unsure. "I dunno about this." It just seemed so...what? Intimate? Well at least I’m not totally naked. Right, and like the towel covers much. You and your cavalier attitude about clothing, I swear, Reed.

"Relax. I haven’t snipped Rio’s ear off, and hard as it is to believe, he’s even wigglier than you."

Long, tapered fingers ruffled her hair gauging, Jae guessed, the current length against its normal one. "Just a little off the top then if you please," she joked, surrendering to the actress.

"Righto Guv."

Jae could hear the metallic snick of the scissor blades as they moved past each other, taking bits of blonde hair with them. Warm breath tickled her ear, and the intoxicating scent of Reed and her perfume filled her nostrils. The actress worked quickly and quietly, her touch gentle and sure. For an instant Jae wondered what it would be like to have Reed touch her in passion, then cleared the image from her mind, choosing to concentrate instead on the easy camaraderie that flowed between them.

Reed, in the process of cutting her bangs, leaned in close, aqua irises scant inches from her own eyes. They were so close together that they could have been breathing the same air, and Jae fought being swallowed by the sudden emotion that rose up as she looked into the unguarded eyes of her friend. It seemed that Reed paused for a brief moment as she returned the gaze, before she cut away the last of the out of place wisps of hair.

"There." Reed held out a mirror and Jae blinked.

The style had been altered subtly, but it looked good and she smiled up at Reed. "Cool, thanks. I like it." It was a little softer than what she habitually wore, but at the same time looked more business-like than the blonde shag had.

"G’wan, get dressed." The actress ruffled her hair and began to sweep the small pile of blonde locks into a dustpan.

Jae snagged a coffee cup along with her pack before ducking into the sleep area to change. Moments later she emerged to find Reed pensively staring into space, hands behind her on the countertop she was leaning against. "Penny for your thoughts."

An inscrutable look flashed her way, two dark brows knit in intense concentration. Quiet held for a long instant, then Reed reached into her pocket and handed over a clear plastic card. "Actually, it seems they’re worth considerably more than that."

"How much more?" A leaden lump had formed in the pit of her stomach and Jae tried to sound casual. Money was, she had come to learn, an important motivating force behind Reed’s even being in Hollywood - behind her even making this picture.

"Two hundred thousand dollars more," came the quiet answer.

"Two hundred thousand dollars?"

Reed regarded her solemnly then took a depth breath. "They want the inside story about Roan." The words were flat, delivered in a detached tone that Jae had come to recognize meant that the actress wasn’t detached at all - no matter what she wanted other people to think.

"That’s a lot of money," Jae said to buy time.

"Yes. It is."

Blue eyes were studying her intently and Jae swallowed, caught between work and Reed. She’s waiting for my reaction. How can I say no? How can I say yes? Riordan changed everything. She knew it, knew that if Reed took the money and gave the interview, that she couldn’t fault the actress for it. They stood in silence, and then Jae realized that Reed was crying equally silent tears. Tiny tracks of water were running down the other woman’s face. Without thinking, Jae reached up with one thumb and wiped away a tear. "Hey, don’t cry."

"I can’t win Jae. It’s going to come out, with or without my help. And some things are better left alone."

Reed was right. For that kind of money to be bandied around, the scandal sharks obviously smelled blood. Jae stepped back a little, one hand on the taller woman’s waist and moved to look at Reed head-on. "Do you trust me?"

A shadow flickered across Reed’s face, and Jae watched with a mixture of concern and fascination as pale irises darkened - guarded indigo replacing open blue. "Yes." The word was breathed so low that she almost missed hearing it.

Reed hadn’t known she was going to say yes until the word had passed by her lips. And part of her was screaming to take it back. She didn’t. "So. What do we do?"

Jae looked up, an impish grin on her face. "We give them an interview. Cait style."

"Cait style?"

"Cait style," Jae repeated enigmatically, then moved to the door. "When you’ve finished with wardrobe, meet me in my office."

"O-kay," she agreed. What in the hell are you up to? Looking deeper, Reed realized that part of her was looking forward to seeing what the blonde had up her sleeve. She’d called Heidi last night, waking her from a sound sleep, to discuss the implications of details becoming public. They weren’t just her secrets to tell.

"Don’t go all Eeyore on me okay?"

Reed realized she’d been staring into nothingness again, and smiled wanly. "I’ll try."

"Okay." Jae looked like she wanted to say more, but the blonde exited the trailer, shutting the door firmly.

She had, it seemed, made the right decision. And Jae had, it seemed, meant what she had said the other night. So what’s going on here Reed? Why her?

On the face of it, they had absolutely nothing in common. Well that wasn’t quite true, she mused. Coffee, that’s one thing we’ve got. Reed chuckled quietly to herself and headed out the door, putting the question aside for later, when she had more time to consider what was happening.

And something was happening. That she knew.

… … …

"Nice." Caitlynn teased, ruffling her boss’ hair.

"Thanks."

"You go to Dana?"

"No."

"Raoul?"

"No."

"Oh my God, Jae. You didn’t let the studio stylist do it, did you?"

"No. Reed cut it."

Cait thought about it for a second. Did she really want or have the right to intrude here? Yes on two fronts - as a friend and as AD. "Then clue me in, ‘cause all I see is you headed for disaster if you keep on this road."

"What road?"

"This - thing - you have with her. Remember The Rule Jae." It was the rule that had kept them from becoming lovers. Both of them had agreed it would have been a lot of fun, but that it had no place in a working relationship that was also a friendship. That had been almost five years ago, and Cait had watched as Jae went through relationship after relationship. Jae was an excellent friend and boss - Cait had discovered - but made a lousy girlfriend.

"The Rule doesn’t apply here. We’re just friends."

They had entered the shared office and Cait shut the door to ensure they had some privacy. "Are you?" She held up a hand to forestall Jae’s reply. "Just listen for a minute, okay?" Her boss nodded and sat on the couch, so Cait took a seat opposite her and resumed the conversation. "Jae," she said gently, "be honest with yourself, okay? If I can see it, how long before everyone else sees it too? Sniping has already started."

"Sniping?"

"A few charges of favoritism, stuff like that."

"Favoritism?" Jae sounded confused.

"You let her get away with things like changing dialogue, you dropped an ISDN line into her trailer; it doesn’t take long for stuff like that to get around." Cait took a deep breath. "Michael thinks you’re being played."

"And you? What do you think?" Twin jade points of intensity were holding her own brown ones, and Jae had leaned forward.

Cait sensed she was treading the thin edge with her friend, but they had been through too much together for Cait to back away now. "I think that if you play with fire you eventually get burned. I think you are going to get burned. Women like Reed Lewis use people like they breathe air."

"You don’t know her."

"Do you?"

"I don’t know. I don’t know how well anyone knows her," Jae admitted quietly. "I know I like her."

"Be careful Jae. Don’t let her use you as some sort of acting experiment."

"She’s not," the blonde said with conviction.

"How do you know?"

"Because ‘she’ doesn’t."

Cait stared back at her boss. The director was looking down at her feet, one hand raking through her newly trimmed hair. Doesn’t know what? Then her eyes widened as she realized what Jae was telling her. Reed didn’t know Jae was gay. "Then I apologize."

Jae looked confused. "For what?" Her blonde brows were knit together.

"For presuming that Lewis was using you." She emphasized the last word. "I think I had it backwards."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Jae leaped to her feet and whirled around.

"You know what I mean. Can’t get much safer, can you?"

"Subject change."

Cait decided to take a slightly different tack. Jae obviously wasn’t ready to discuss the issue. Like it’s a new issue, not. Jae’s issues with intimacy were a long-standing battleground between the two of them. Mostly because she was the one who had to hold Jae through the night and dry the tears as the blonde dealt with one failed romance after another. "I don’t quite know how to tell you this, but you’re not the first director she’s been--"

"Involved with. I know."

"Oh. There’s more. Thom had some other interesting tidbits thrown across his desk yesterday. ‘Up Close’ magazine --"

"Offered her two hundred thousand dollars for a tell-all interview." Jae passed over the celluloid business card.

Cait studied the small, transparent card. Did it work both ways? Had Jae somehow made an honest connection with with Lewis? One thing was certain; she was going to have to revise her opinion of the actress. The last thing she had expected to hear was that Reed Lewis had already informed Jae about the interview. Especially not in light of the previous incident with the press.

Lewis would bear watching. "Is there much to tell?"

"Yes." Jae’s voice was subdued, her eyes clouded. "There is. And we have to find the best way to tell it."

A knock sounded softly at the door and Cait watched with interest the expression on Jae’s face change as her boss let the actress in. Even more interesting was the brief flash of warmth in Lewis’ eyes before the performer turned icy eyes in her direction.

"Reed, I need for you to tell Caitlynn about Roan."

The actress clearly looked startled. "You didn’t?"

"It’s not my place. You have to decide how much to tell. But the more you tell Cait, the better she will be able to help."

Cait listened quietly and let Jae handle the actress. They did have rapport; she could clearly see that. Had seen it during other interactions too, but had chalked it up to the intensity of filming and the time they had spent together - and, well, to Jae’s being physically attracted to the actress. I might need to buy you that toaster oven afterall.

Jae and Reed had taken seats on the low sofa, and the AD pulled one of the armchairs closer, then waited for the actress to begin. Just when Cait thought that the woman was going to remain silent indefinitely, Reed began to talk in low measured tones, her expression unchanging.

At the mention of hard drugs, late night parties and chemical-based coercion, Cait looked up at Jae, who had sucked in a deep breath, worried about how her friend was taking the information about her mentor. Conflict was written there, but so was compassion, the latter obviously directed at the dark-haired woman seated so closely to Jae that Cait wasn’t positive they weren’t touching in places.

Cait continued to listen, but something was missing. Why did you walk away from the filming of ‘Torque’? Cait mentally asked, then decided to voice the question. "I can work with that. We should be able to take the moral sting out of it, but I need to ask you a question."

Reed stared at her, then looked back at Jae before returning eyes as cold as stone to meet her gaze. Cait tried to look as open and as non-judgmental as possible and just waited.

"Ask."

"Why did you walk off the set of ‘Torque’? More importantly why did he hire you for this picture?"

The actress exchanged a veiled look with Jae and Cait watched the silent communication curiously.

"Lifestyle change. Drug-induced alcoholic hazes were no longer a way I was willing to live my life."

"And the reason he hired you back?" Cait had the definite sense that Reed preferred direct questions to beating around the bush, though she was equally sure that the actress hadn’t told her everything.

Reed grinned wryly, a chill smile that was almost feral. "The ideal answer would be my acting talents. The truth is a cross between blackmail and revenge."

"Can I get a shot of clarity here, please?"

"He found it amusing that he could force me to make a picture that would have me playing a character whose lifestyle I found personally abhorrent."

Oh boy, Jae wasn’t kidding, this chick is seriously on the homophobe side. Which explains why Jae fell for her. "Still not getting it." Cait looked over at Jae to see if the director could shed some light on what the actress was talking about, but the blonde looked as confused as she was.

"He owned me." The words were flat and toneless, but the flash of anger in the blue eyes was unmistakable. "If I wanted to work in this town again, it had to be for him."

There was an answering flash of anger in Jae’s eyes, and the director suddenly stood and stalked over to her desk. This time, Cait exchanged looks with Reed as they both watched the rapid, angry search of the box sitting next to the stone gargoyle.

"Thunder turtles." Jae was rifling pages on a thick contract.

Cait was startled. As far as expletives went that one was pretty strong for Jae, even if it was odd. The tone of voice left no doubt at all that the director was cussing.

"Who’s your agent?" Jae asked Reed.

"Liz Kuiper at Gryphon."

"Cait, deal with this will you?" Her boss handed over two contracts, one of which had some notes scrawled along the margin of the first page.

"Aye, Aye." She set them aside for the moment in order to return to the subject at hand. "Okay. I have a plan of sorts. But I need some help to pull this off. Can I assume that you want to collect the money from ‘Up Close’?"

"Yes," Jae answered, cutting off whatever reply Reed was going to make.

"Okay." Cait turned to the actress. "Do you have any friends?" Jae cleared her throat and shot her a dirty look.

The actress just chuckled, a deep low sound that rumbled from her throat. "A snow gnome or two."

"I meant other than Jae, not that you didn’t have any at all."

"Cait." Jae interjected.

"What?"

"Hand over the shovel. You dig any further and New Zealand will have a new immigrant."

Jae held out her hand and she surrendered the invisible implement. "Sorry."

"Dr. Heidi Chappelle. She has veterinary farm in Maine with her husband Geoff. Why?" Reed interjected.

"Because we are going to play both sides against the middle, so to speak."

"Shot of clarity here, please." The actress repeated her earlier words back.

Caitlynn acknowledged the jibe. "Touché. Simple. We’ll give ‘Up Close’ a suitably scandalous interview, then follow it up with one leaked to a more reputable source."

"Oh Cait, that’s brilliant." Jae laughed wickedly.

The actress looked slightly puzzled and a bit miffed that she didn’t get the joke, so Cait opened her mouth to explain, but before she could, Jae sat back down and grabbed Reed’s hand.

"You’ll give them their exclusive with enough truth that they can’t come back on you later - Cait will write the script for it. Then a day later, we have a friend of yours leak the rest of the details and put a different spin on them. You stay in the clear, and the last interview that people remember is ours."

"What about...?"

Cait listened to the conversation under the words - there was indeed more going on than met the eye.

"Safe. But you have to do this our way. No losing your temper, no going off half-cocked. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Good. I need to go meet with Holly. I’ll see you on the set later." Jae squeezed the actress’ hand and motioned for Cait to follow her to the door.

"What’s up?" she asked her boss in a whisper.

"Don’t push her for more than she’ll give. And be nice."

"I’m always nice."

"Right. And I’m the Queen of Sheba."

"Okay, so I’m busted. I won’t be telling her to bite me or anything. But I have to tell you, this is a lot of extra trouble to go through for a homophobic actress who hates her job."

"Maybe. But it’s not too far for a friend." Jae walked out of the office and started down the corridor, then paused. "And she doesn’t hate her job"

… TWENTY TWO…

Jae stopped in front of the heavy wooden door then unlocked it, allowing it to swing open before she stepped inside. Out of a combination of respect and grief, she had left Roan’s office untouched, his things still the way he had left them the last time he walked out of the room.

Methodically, she began to pack the contents of his desk into the empty cartons. Pens, paper, small doodads and assorted supplies went into the box. Nothing was held back. She wanted no part left behind of a man whom she was coming to despise. The center drawer was locked and she dug in the pencil holder for the spare key, then slid it out from its sheath.

A slim, rectangular gunmetal gray box rested on a small stack of manila envelopes. Gingerly, she lifted the box and popped the catch. Nestled inside were bundled packets. A name on one caught her eye and she put the others down. Should I? The flap opened easily and the contents slid onto the desk, seemingly of their own volition.

It was unmistakably Reed. But it wasn’t the woman she knew in the photos. Jae fanned them out on the walnut desk. They were vaguely in chronological order, she realized, studying the progression of photographs.

Here it was in black and white. Stark proof of words she hadn’t wanted to believe, and of a truth burned into guarded blue eyes. Reflexively she gripped one picture. High cheekbones contrasted with glazed eyes and a look so haunting that Jae felt the first sting of hot tears well up, threatening to spill.

What were you looking for so desperately Reed? Another picture found its way into her hands and Jae convulsively shredded the picture, sending disjointed bits of a scene no one should have been witness to the floor. You were wrong Reed. It was a rape.

In the drawer she found a lighter, and one by one she burned the photos, until only the first one remained. After a moment’s hesitation, she slid it back into the manila envelope and set it aside to take with her when she finished.

Jae grabbed a garbage bag and, item by item the tangible pieces of Roan’s working life were consigned to its inky depths. Cait could have his office. Suddenly she realized that she had been throwing videotapes and ornaments at the bag, scattering debris over the room.

The blonde slumped to the ground, finally letting the tears flow freely as she let go of the cherished image of her mentor. She didn’t want to believe it. Her experience of him had been so different than Reed’s, but the contracts had given undeniable credence to the actress’ claims.

Not only did he own her, but the second contract - the one for this film - contained a clause that held back part of her salary as a ‘performance guarantee’, as well as clause after clause of petty demands and conditions.

She couldn’t do a damn thing about the first contract - not until they found out who owned Roan’s film company, at any rate. But she had made a note for Cait to renegotiate and vet the restrictive clauses, along with releasing the surety bond.

This is the last Hollywood picture I direct. Jae stood and opened the file cabinet and removed the files she thought they might need, including one labeled ‘Reed Lewis’. Not opening it, she added the folder to the keeper pile. I can’t take any more right now. The studio cleaners could clean out the rest of Roan’s stuff, for all she cared.

But there was no way she could work in here. Not anymore.

Work.

"Oh, cripes." She ran out the door and headed for the soundstage.

 … … …

Cait finished the lighting check, stalling for time until Jae arrived.

The two leads were off to the side. Gwen appeared relaxed but Reed looked nervous and, to her own surprise, Cait felt a twinge of sympathy for the actress.

"Yo. Reed." Holly had arrived on the set and had called out across the set.

"Yo. Holly."

Something was launched through the air, and she watched as Reed caught it deftly, then smiled and popped it into her mouth. The writer had continued her path toward the actress. "That was the most difficult physical act of the afternoon, okay?"

Reed just grunted, but Holly smiled.

Et Tu Holly? Caitlynn thought to herself, perplexed and amused. What in the bloody hell did I miss in Orlando?

"Here." Holly held out a box for Reed to help herself from, then passed it to Gwen. "Pups sent them."

Just then Jae came barreling across the soundstage. "Places on walk-through."

The set burst into frenetic activity and the actresses took up their marks in the doorway, while Holly moved to stand next to her and out of her boss’ way.

"Action," Jae commanded.

"Dar?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do me a favour?"

"Anything."

"Bend your knees." Gwen slid her arms around Reed’s neck and leaned in to kiss the other actress.

Reed went rigid.

"End." Jae walked across to where the actresses were standing. "Okay Elijah. We need to do something about the wooden Indian imitation."

Cait expected Reed to blow up. Instead the actress merely nodded and kept her eyes locked on Jae, waiting for the director to make a suggestion.

"Get me wardrobe." Jae ordered.

An assistant dresser materialized at Jae’s elbow and the director whispered something in his ear. Within moments he was back with a broad strip of dark cloth, which Jae then wound around the actress’ head several times.

"I’m too old for pin the tail on the donkey."

"Maybe. Let’s try a version of spin the bottle then, shall we?"

"Why?"

"You’ll see."

"Not with this on I won’t."

"Trust me." Jae then put an arm around Reed’s waist and guided her to a table, helping her to sit down.

They whispered something else back and forth, then Reed nodded affirmatively. Cait watched, fascinated. I would give my right arm to have heard that

Holly leaned over. "They have no idea, do they?"

"Nope, clueless. Or in denial." Cait grinned up at the screenwriter. "Maybe we could buy them a clue."

There was a small chuckle and a negative shake of curly locks. "I don’t have a big enough limit on all of my cards combined to buy Reed a clue."

They stood and watched as Jae walked over to a group of crewmembers and studied them critically before choosing two. She asked them something, then waved them to one side. The director then walked in their direction, smiling mischievously.

"What are you up to now?" Cait asked

Jae answered, "A little exercise in desensitization."

"Which means?"

"I need one of you to kiss Reed."

Cait looked over at the screenwriter and saw a devilish glint in the brown eyes. "Don’t look at me. Thom would pitch a fit." Which wasn’t true, her fiancé shared her sense of humour, but it made for a good excuse.

"Holly?" Jae pleaded.

"I’ll take a pass too. She’s, umm, not my type."

"Not your type? C’mon guys. I’m not asking you to sleep with her. Just kiss her. They kiss her, one of you kisses her, Gwen kisses her - and voila, we show her that a kiss is a kiss is just a kiss."

"It’s a rose, and the answer is still no." Cait shook her head for emphasis.

"No?"

"No. As in not yes."

Jae scanned the assorted crewmembers and technicians. "Please?"

"You know, you could - just to save time - do it yourself," Holly suggested, deadpan.

It was all Cait could do to keep from laughing out loud.

"Me?" Jae said in a strangled whisper.

"Sure." Holly shrugged, offhandedly. "Makes perfect sense. You’re the director," she added.

"Me?"

"You." Cait put her hands on Jae’s shoulders and turned her in the direction of the actress.

Jae looked back uncertainly, then walked forward.

"Subtle," Cait whispered to Holly.

Holly shrugged again.

Cait looked back to the set. This morning she would have sworn they were sleeping together already. But this. What she could see was about a lot more than sex. A whole lot more.

Reed shifted uncomfortably on the hard wooden table. She could hear movement around her, the sounds muted by the broad band covering her eyes. Of course she’d be able to tell the difference - if for no other reason than most women lacked stubble - but she decided to humour the director.

And it’s not like you haven’t kissed a woman before. Somehow though, kissing Jae had been a lot different than kissing Gwen. The brief kiss during rehearsal had been enough for Reed to be able to distinguish her friend from her co-star.

Oddly, she found that she was more reluctant to kiss whoever the men were that Jae had chosen to participate in this little exercise. Having some guy try and shove his tongue into her mouth was not her idea of a fun way to spend time. Men didn’t kiss, they tried to dominate.

With her sight removed, Reed found her sense of smell coming into play. A hint of CK1 hung in the air to her left and she could have sworn the distinctive aroma of Old Spice was layered under it. She could detect the light fragrance that Gwen wore during shooting too. Maybe that was the goal. This will give me a chance to kiss Gwen from a position of relative anonymity and safety. I can just pretend that I don’t know, and no one else around will be the wiser. Brilliant, Tigger.

There was a slight movement to her right and a voice whispered, "ready?" She had recognized the director before the woman had even spoken.

"Are you sure I can’t just practice this by kissing my hand? Or eating an ice cream?"

"Reed, I’ve seen you eat ice cream. Believe me there is nothing erotic about it."

"Right. And the way you inhale food works better?"

Jae laughed. "But we’re not talking about me."

"Can’t blame a girl for trying." What would Dar do? Reed let the line between herself and her character blur again, and decided to just surrender to the role. Maybe that’s the way to play it. She’d been fighting to retain her own identity, afraid to subsume herself completely in the role. "Right. Let’s get this done." Idly she wondered if Jae realized that except for the kiss that they had shared and the scripted ones with Gwen, she hadn’t actually kissed anyone for real since Rio was born, and that she was a little out of practice. I think they call it performance anxiety.

Something wet and cold touched her lips, causing a momentary flinch before she grinned in recognition. "Very funny, Jae." Then with a degree of savoir faire suited to James Bond, she swirled her tongue around the top of the treat, flicking the peak with the tip. Nothing erotic about me eating ice cream, hmmm? Slowly she circled the melting cream, drawing it into her mouth with her lips. Mischievously, she played it for all it was worth, and took as much of the cone as she could into her mouth before pursing her lips and releasing the ice cream gradually. Then she suddenly lunged forward and bit the top off and chewed contentedly. A wet cloth smacked her chest then landed on one leg. She picked it up and wiped the last traces of Ben and Jerry’s cream feast from her lips.

Spice man moved close and awkwardly put his hand on the back of her neck. She felt her hackles rise slightly, a little afraid, but didn’t stop him. And it most definitely was a him. It wasn’t an unpleasant kiss per se, and he was smart enough not to try to french kiss her. She broke the kiss, leaned back and purred, "next."

Laughter broke across the set and Reed would have winked suggestively had she not been blindfolded. Poor guy was probably beet red, though she could her the muffled sound of a back being patted in congratulatory glee.

Hair brushed her cheek and soft lips captured hers, gently drawing her into the contact. A woman. The smaller woman moved closer and Reed let her hands rest on the small of the woman’s back, returning the kiss. It was nice, without threat or urgency. With a degree of surprise, she found she was enjoying it. It tapered off naturally and she drew away. "Thanks Gwen," she whispered too low for anyone else to hear, and received a light squeeze on her shoulder in return.

Who would be next? Woman or man? Reed couldn’t place the next scent at all. Packing material? Something hard brushed by her nose, then a tickle crawled over her lips as soft fur brushed over her face. A stuffed animal. That explained the unique aroma, eau de bruin. She let the sexiest growl she could muster loose from deep within her throat and kissed the stuffed animal passionately.

"That’s going to be a tough act to follow," she quipped.

The set erupted into laughter and some of the crew spontaneously broke into song. "Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff. He’s Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. Willy nilly silly old bear."

Relaxed, Reed waited for the next person to take his or her place. A hand gently cupped the back of her head, guiding her into another kiss. The slight nervous tension was gone, and she returned this kiss the way she would a handshake. Though she had to admit she had no idea if she was kissing a woman or a man. Whoever was kissing her kept the pressure between their lips light, almost a caress rather than an actual kiss, and again she found herself enjoying the act. In fact, she recognized the tell-tale signs that her body was beginning to respond, though not with any degree of passion, just a nice, pleasant background sense of pleasure. This time it was her partner who ended the contact, and she felt vaguely disappointed that it had ended before she could get a sense of the other person’s gender.

Before the next lips touched hers she knew who it was. The delicate scent of the borrowed sandalwood soap mixed with Jae’s own natural one, identified the director to Reed’s heightened senses. Relieved that it wasn’t Caitlynn or Holly, she leaned forward, meeting her friend halfway. Jae’s touch seemed hesitant and Reed laid one hand on her waist reassuringly and pulled the smaller woman a little closer. Unlike the first time they had kissed, Jae didn’t take the initiative, her lips barely moving. Oh no you don’t - this was your idea. Impishly, she nibbled at the edges of the full lips beneath hers, determined to get a response.

Jae responded, and the kiss deepened with a background sense of connection that had been missing from the others. Intrigued by the differences, Reed gave herself up to the gentle exploration and let go of conscious thought. With crashing clarity, she realized that she had been wanting to do this again since the first time at the hotel in Miami. The arousal from the previous kisses ripened as her lips continued to dance with her partner’s, her body betraying the message her mind wanted her soul to believe. Guilt and shame screamed out at her. No. It’s just the situation. Just the movie. I’m Dar, she’s Kerry - it’s that simple. I’m not like that. Heart hammering, she wrenched her mouth away from Jae’s, waited a minute to give the director time to move away from the table, and then with a calm she didn’t feel, casually reached up to remove the blindfold.

The crew was whistling good-naturedly and a measure of the tension that had pervaded the set earlier was gone. Unsure of exactly what she was feeling, Reed didn’t dare meet her friend’s eyes, afraid of what might be showing in her own. It didn’t help that it felt like everyone else’s eyes were on her, waiting for her reaction. "I think," she said slowly, "I need a cold shower."

There was more laughter at the joke and then the action around the set picked up again as though what had just happened was nothing out of the ordinary.

"So could you tell if the first kiss was from a man or a woman?" Jae asked.

"Man - unless you meant the Ben and Jerry’s Best Vanilla." There was more laughter. On a hunch Reed looked around and spotted Holly cuddling the Pooh Bear that was part of Kerry’s bedroom set. "And we ain’t even gonna talk about bachelor number three." She got off the table and walked toward the crewmembers, glad for the excuse to move. "Him." Reed pointed at one of the men Jae had chosen, the wide-eyed shock and red face confirmed her guess.

Jae laughed. "Second?"

"Gwen."

The blonde actress bowed chivalrously, garnering another round of applause.

Jae looked startled and glanced over. Reed forced herself to meet the green eyes steadily, no hint of her inner turmoil leaking through.

"Number four?"

"No idea." She left the director an out, though logically she knew it had to be a man.

"Kiss Gwen the way you kissed everyone in the exercise and we can’t miss. Heck, kiss her the way you kissed Pooh."

The director didn’t seem angry or upset, so Reed relaxed slightly and nodded in agreement.

"Take a break everyone. Be back ready to roll tape in thirty."

Maintaining the outward appearance of calm, Reed moved unhurriedly toward the exit as soon as Jae had finished speaking, and headed for the safety of the trailer. Once inside, she locked the door and leaned against it, unconsciously trying to bar the demons that chased her across the backlot from following her inside. Not enough sleep, too much stress and too fuzzy a boundary between what was her and what was Dar - it had to be that. She’d done it before, lost herself so completely in a role that it had taken weeks afterwards to climb back out.

It was, now that Reed thought about it, perfectly natural that she would respond to Jae like she had. They’d rehearsed together and right from the beginning she had had an easier time picturing Jae, rather than Gwen, as Kerry. Reed sat at the small table and stared at the blank screen a moment before reaching across for the mouse. Thoughtfully, she moved it across the neoprene Marvin the Martian mousepad, bringing the monitor to life, and tapped the keyboard.

… TWENTY THREE…

Jae leaned back in her chair as the rushes finished playing. The room was silent as the various members of the cast and crew digested the impact of the footage they had just viewed.

"Wow." Erich spoke up, starting a wave of comments that filled the small viewing room. The director of photography slapped her shoulder.

"Incredible, Jae. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that erotic between two characters, never mind between two women." The editor was shaking his head in admiration.

The air in the room was charged with excitement and Jae let the emotion lift her up from her inner turmoil.

"And just think, we haven’t even filmed the sex scene yet." One of the production assistants added a low whistle to her comment before leaving the room.

There was another round of well dones and a few more respectful whistles as the room began to empty. Jae reached over and rewound the tape to watch the rough edit again. Behind her, she could sense that Reed hadn’t yet left the room. The actress was seated unobtrusively in the corner, silently watching the various angles and takes flash across the screen.

The director returned her attention to the film, leaving her concern for the actress to deal with later. She froze the tape, then turned to her editor. "Show me the wide angle starting at 1453."

"Cued." The film editor had rewound the tape to the index point requested.

"Roll it." Jae watched the scene unfold from a slightly different angle and distance than the one frozen on the left side monitor. "I want you to do a cut overlaying these two shots." She consulted her notepad. "Roll tape A back to index counter 1076. Start with 40 percent opacity. Then cut in this one." She pointed to a shot of Gwen running her hands over Reed’s strong back.

The director wanted to see what the footage looked like when shown together, both angles and perspectives overlaid.

Normally the first edits of a scene were left to the film editor. As director, she would make her cut from his preliminary one. But this scene was special, and they needed to know what they had and what they needed before they shot the rest of it.

Brow furrowed in concentration, she sank into the scene, critically judging the performances of the two actresses. Images of Reed and Gwen reflected from the monitors and cast odd shadows over the equipment and the editing team. Tape was different than live action. Colours were subtly altered and shadows appeared where previously there were none.

"When we get the full view shots, I want to do the same thing with some of those angles." The other key was being erotic without being pornographic - how to make the audience part of the scene without making them feel like voyeurs. Consequently, they had decided to film a sex-less sex scene - to let the audience imagine what was being done, concentrating instead on creating a feeling. The audience would never know that what they were watching was in fact a prolonged massage.

"That might work even better. Cut these into the full length angles and the blending images will help with the illusion."

Holly was smiling, "oh I don’t think you left much doubt."

Jae laughed, "yeah, everyone will know what they’re doing - they just won’t know ‘what’ they’re doing."

In a reversal of normal cinematic trend, she would make any of the more explicit scenes almost casual and remove the novelty factor. That really was the lynchpin of the movie. She wasn’t going to make a lesbian film; she was going to film a story that just happened to have lesbian characters.

To that end, the visual relationship between Dar and Kerry was important. Even more important, though, was giving the audience someone to hate more than they hated the idea of a female-female love story. If they could get a tenth as much chemistry between the actor playing Kyle and Gwen as she was seeing between her leads, it would work.

The tape finished rolling for the second time and Jae jotted down a couple of more notes, then stood. "Looks like we’ll have enough."

"Jae you shot three cans on this. You have every conceivable angle and shot length. More importantly, you got them to perform. Relax."

"It’s good Jae." Reed added her comment to Erich’s then left the room.

She’d forgotten the actress was still in the room and a small smile played on her lips. Reed had come back after the break without any signs of the turmoil Jae had seen earlier in the intense blue eyes.

"Well, well. That may be your biggest accomplishment," Erich said.

"What do you mean?" She leaned casually against the desktop, trying not to show too much interest.

The director of photography waved a hand back at the door in the direction the actress had gone. "That’s not the same actress who filmed ‘Equilibrium.’ The actress I remember would never have kissed a stuffed animal - or praised a rush."

"You worked with her?" Jae was curious. She’d seen ‘Equilibrium’ and enjoyed Reed’s portrayal of a scientist with a secret that could destroy the world. The performance had been believable - even if the plot hadn’t been.

He nodded. "In fact, she never watched a rush. It was like she just knew when she was on. Pretty intense woman." Erich got out of his chair and made for the door. "I’ll see you after the photo shoot tomorrow."

Alone for the first time all afternoon, Jae mulled over her colleague’s words. It was interesting to get another person’s professional impression of Reed. She laughed. Intense was a good word for the actress.

It had been nice to see a glimpse of the playful side of her friend, though she recognized that Reed had been performing. Was that kiss a performance? For a brief moment she had felt connected to the other woman in a way she had never imagined possible.

You’re treading a thin line there, m’grrl, a very thin line indeed. You’d best be telling her and soon.

She turned the lights out and made her way back to her office. "I don’t know how to tell her," Jae admitted out loud to herself.

"Tell who what?" Caitlynn was exiting the office; large neatly packed box in hand.

Guessing where her assistant was headed, Jae opened the door that used to be Roan’s and stood aside. "Reed."

"Ah." The box was put on the desk and Cait turned to face her. "Look, I don’t much care for her, that’s no secret. But then, I’ll concede that I don’t even know her. What I do see though, is that someone has finally managed to get inside those ‘hands off the heart’ walls of yours."

"We are just friends." Jae felt compelled to make that assertion.

"You want more."

"Is it that obvious?"

"To someone who’s worked with you nearly every day in the past five years? To someone who has been friends with you almost that long? Yeah Babe, it’s that obvious."

"I don’t know what’s going on anymore. Everything just seems..." She faltered, searching for the right words.

"Easy when you’re together, even the not so easy stuff," Cait supplied.

"Is it like that with you and Thom?" She liked Thom and had been surprised when the easy-going entertainment editor for the Los Angeles Times had seemed to click instantly with her driven assistant, but had never really talked to Cait about it.

"Yeah. It is." Cait had a tiny smile on her lips; eyes alight in quiet joy. "This sounds so corny now, but he balances me, you know?"

"I didn’t, but I’m beginning to."

They sat quietly together on the floor, leaning against the big black leather couch in Roan’s office, shoulders touching.

"So you going to tell her?"

"That I have feelings for her? No. I don’t think either one of us is ready to cover that particular territory."

"You definitely need to tell her you’re gay, though. I’m sort of surprised she hasn’t already heard."

"I know. I just can’t figure out how. Did you tell Thom?"

"That you’re gay?"

A deep belly laugh burst from deep inside and Jae let the clean feeling wash over her, taking some of the tension away. "No," she gasped. "That you’re bisexual."

"Oh that. Yes I told him."

"What’d he say?"

"He just looked over at me and said, ‘talk about performance anxiety,’ smiled and that was that."

"Keeper." Jae doubted that that was all that Thom had said, but it made a nice sounding story.

"Definitely." Cait drew her knees up to her chin, then wrapped her arms around them. "If I were you, I’d find out why she’s homophobic, then take it from there."

Surprised, she arched a brow and regarded her friend thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Why?"

"Because something isn’t adding up. That kiss she gave you today, that doesn’t match the vehemence in her voice when she talks about gays. You need to find out if it’s garden variety, ‘never knew a real life dyke’ homophobia, or if it’s something deeper - emotional versus intellectual."

"You think she was abused?"

"I think that your friend has some deep cuts, some of which haven’t healed over."

"Humm. Perceptive." She hadn’t thought of that. Cait saw things that most people would rather she not see. Sometimes things I’d rather she not see, Jae thought, ruefully.

"Yeah, and cheaper than a therapist. Listen, I have to go meet Thom for dinner. Want to join us?"

"Thanks, but I have to meet the band for rehearsal, prepare for tomorrow’s photo shoot, and double check the layout and interview for Friday. Raincheck?"

"No problem. Good luck."

"Thanks Cait. Give Thom a kiss for me, will you?" She gave her friend a quick kiss and left the office.

"Unnnhh, unnnhhh, unnnhh...." The alarm cut through the nightmare, rescuing her from the mutated images and stark terror. Reed lay still for a moment, then hit reset. They were getting worse, one terror becoming another, removing the familiar pattern.

It had to have been the interview yesterday. Dredging up the memories of her adolescence - if only to make sure that they stayed buried - had left them too close to the surface. She could tell that Jae had wanted to ask questions. The shocked pain in Jae’s mist green eyes as Heidi’s disembodied voice had come through the speaker phone still lingered in her mind’s eye.

Orphan. Such a simple word. Two syllables. And a life that had never been the same.

Jae had reached into the space between them, taken her hand in silent support and the interview had moved on. The unshared details lingered on as untold memories that haunted her dreams. Maybe I should have taken Jae up on dinner last night. Her nightmares were usually less intense if she’d been around the director. In Florida, they’d all but disappeared. The younger woman had the ability to cut through whatever bad mood or funk she was in. And the wine with dinner wouldn’t have hurt either.

Instead she’d come home, and spent some time with Rio.

Languishing in bed, Reed replayed the phone call of the night before.

Reluctantly, she left off the pleasant memory of telling Rio stories until he’d fallen asleep, and got out of bed.

She dug a skirt and tank top out of her suitcase, laying them across the foot of the bed, ready to put on after a quick shower. Twenty minutes later, the last of the beige skirt’s thirty-five buttons had been fastened and the coffeepot was perking away in the kitchen.

Critically, she studied her reflection in the mirror, and reached for the small bag of cosmetics on the corner of the vanity. Normally the studio took care of dark circles. This morning, evidence of a bad night’s sleep was her responsibility. Skillfully, she applied the cover up, a hint of mascara, then pursed her lips and swiped lipstick across them, adding a splash of colour.

No sooner had she finished than she heard the purr of a car engine filter through the open bathroom window. "Morning," she called out, opening the front door. Jae was just getting out of the Saturn, blonde hair crowned by the sun.

Two hours later, they had parked the car and were winding their way, along with Jae’s niece and nephew, through the ranch style property that was home to this year’s Pediatric AIDS benefit.

A carnival atmosphere ruled the open lawns as stars mixed with children from the various LA area hospitals. Clowns and mimes wandered the green grass, balloon animals and smiles trailing them.

"Jacqueline, honestly. Look at how you’re dressed, and you’re late."

"Grandma!" The twins let go of Jae’s hands and latched onto their grandmother.

Amused Reed lifted a questioning brow and Jae shrugged back.

"Morning, Mother." Jae said.

Reed took a moment to study Jae’s mother, aware that the elder Cavanaugh was studying her in turn. A slightly heavier version of Jae stood, one hand on her hip, the other clutching a purse that might have held the entire contents of Macy’s - it was so large. Every hair was in place, the French braid topped by a tasteful hairpin. Her dress was equally elegant, though casual. Here is a woman who places great importance on appearances.

"Did you at least remember to feed them breakfast?"

Reed cut in before Jae could respond, "I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Reed Lewis." She held her right hand out delicately.

As far as Reed was concerned Jae looked fine and would have said as much if Jae hadn’t looked so distracted. Later, she thought.

"Do I meet with your approval?" Reed drawled, not backing down from the appraising once over coming from eyes not quite as green as Jae’s.

"I don’t choose my daughter’s friends, Ms. Lewis."

Something in the elder Cavanaugh’s voice indicated that if it were left up to her, Jae would have a very different set of friends.

Jae listened to her mother spar with Reed and groaned inwardly. Some things never changed. "Mother, what booth are you working this year?" She already knew the answer but was prepared to take whatever chastisement came in exchange for the change in subject. In fact, that was how she had gotten involved with the paediatric aids benefit in the first place. Her mother had been volunteering since its inception.

"The art auction. We have two new Carol Evans pieces and a Shiazaki."

Evans, Jae had heard of, the other name escaped her.

Her mother continued, "but that’s not until six. I will pick the twins up at three, while you perform."

Jae nodded her agreement. She’d rather have left them with Reed, but didn’t know if the actress would be finished her stint serving hot dogs in time. "Thanks. Right now though, I have to go meet the rest of the band. We’ll see you later."

Before her mother could object, Jae steered Reed and the twins toward a game booth. The twins raced ahead, good-naturedly arguing about whom would win.

Reed leaned in and whispered, "I dunno Jacqueline. You look fine to me." Blue eyes twinkled humorously.

For the first time, the three syllables of her real name elicited a tingle rather than a suppressed groan of dismay. "Thanks. You clean up pretty good yourself." Now that’s an understatement. She’d nearly stumbled getting out of the car as she’d caught sight of the actress earlier. The addition of the brown Stetson had only made the actress more breathtaking. "Funny, how a name can sound so different when someone else says it." It was out before she realized that she’d spoken aloud.

"Yeah, my name never sounded quite the same when my mother said it either." The sadness that had pervaded the room yesterday during the interview and Heidi’s revelation that Reed was an orphan was gone from the actress’ voice, but Jae squeezed her hand anyway. Again, she resisted the desire to ask what had happened to Reed’s parents. Heidi hadn’t said, Reed hadn’t been allowed to speak during the interview, and this was definitely not the time or place.

"I thought I’d check on how Gwen’s doing. She’s over at the dunk tank." The blonde actress had decided that if she had to participate, that she might as well have fun, so had volunteered to be the mermaid in the dunk tank. "I’ll take Aine with me, will you be okay with Alex?"

Reed looked to where Alex was standing, and nodded. "I’d like that. Thanks."

"You’re welcome."

… … …

"Hey kiddo. You don’t look like you’re having much fun." Reed dropped cross-legged on to a blanket next to Jae’s nephew.

Solemn eyes looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before he shrugged and spoke. "I was just thinking about my friend Josh."

Reed reached for a stalk of the short, well-trampled grass and waited for the boy to continue on his own.

"He’s not here this year."

Just by Alex’s tone, she knew with painful certainty that Josh had been one of the children whom this benefit was intended to help. "You want to go look?"

"Can we?"

"Yes. I have a half an hour or so before I need to dish up hot dogs till later. Why don’t we find your sister and Jae at the same time?" The director had gone off to prepare for the set the band would play, taking her niece with her.

"Cool." Excited, he stood, lightly moving on his feet.

Reed followed the path he chose through the increasingly crowded grounds. Occasionally someone recognized her and a few surprised looks were cast in her direction. She ignored them all, focused instead on her young charge.

"You like ice cream?"

"Yes." Alex answered. His smile widened with anticipation.

"Me too. Let me guess - you’re a chocolate chip cookie dough kind of kid."

"How’d you guess?"

"My...a friend of mine likes it. Single or double?" Reed wasn’t ready to mention Rio to Alex yet.

"Double?" he asked optimistically.

"Double it is." She ordered a double vanilla cone for herself, and paid the extra for dipped waffle cones.

"Ms. Lewis?"

"It’s just Reed. What?"

"Josh!" he yelled, eyes lighting up and reminding her of his aunt. The boy scrambled to greet his friend, ice cream cone and question forgotten.

Reed watched, amused, as the boys stood, hands in their pockets, feet scuffing the ground, as they made the inconsequential small talk designed to cover mutual relief. And how relieved are you? She asked herself. Small children and mortality were achingly familiar, and she had held Rio through tears of his own when children he had met in the hospital passed away.

"What is it with you and vanilla ice cream?" In spite of her critique, Jae leaned down and took a mouthful of the cold treat.

Reed arched a brow at her friend and growled, "mine."

"Okay. I’ll eat Alex’s then." Before she could take a bite, the child in question rescued the cone.

"Aunt Jae! That’s mine." Alex indignantly rescued the frozen treat.

"Possessive bunch aren’t we?"

"Hey Tigger." Reed held the cone out for Jae to take another mouthful.

"Thanks. I shouldn’t eat any more though. Bad for the singing voice."

"No problem. Hold that thought." Reed passed over the ice cream, then went to where the boys were standing. She leaned down and whispered to Alex, then handed him a five-dollar bill to buy the other boy a cone. The two boys headed for the woman Reed presumed was Josh’s mother. Satisfied by the smile that split Josh’s face, she returned her attention to the director.

"If you’re not careful they’re gonna start calling you the Ice Cream Queen." Jae said.

Reed ducked her head and nibbled at the cone. "And as my first act, I hereby declare a moratorium on bubble gum ice cream."

"Jacqueline."

Silence and a slightly guilty look instantly replaced the smile and light laughter of the director. "Mother."

A light tug on her shirttail diverted her attention from the battle of words, and she looked down to find Josh smiling up at her, blue ice cream decorating his lips, chin and most of his face. "Thank-you," he said.

"You’re welcome."

"Honestly Jacqueline, you didn’t buy Alex ice cream this close to lunch?"

"Mother –"

"No, Jacqueline didn’t. I did." She let the name roll off her tongue, softening the syllables, removing the sting from the name that it had when Jae’s mother said it.

"Thank-you for your generosity, but that’s not how we do things. Ice cream is a dessert."

Taking another bite from the cone Jae still held, Reed made a show of enjoying the taste. "Ice cream is just frozen milk, and milk - it does a body good."

"It’s obvious you have no children."

"Time out! Mother, that was uncalled for," Jae cut in. To anyone else, Reed’s expression hadn’t changed, but she had seen the flicker of pain in the actress’ eyes.

"If you’ll excuse me." Reed turned and left.

Jae watched the other woman leave, then turned on her mother. "You have no idea. Enjoy the concert."

"Jacqueline –"

"No, this time you’ve gone too far. I’m going to check on Alex, who is my responsibility today, not yours, and then I’m going to apologize for subjecting Reed to you." Angry, Jae turned away, missing the speculative look on her mother’s face. The blonde trotted hurriedly to where Alex and Josh were kicking a soccer ball. "You alright hanging with Josh?"

"Yeah, we’re gonna play in the kids’ game." He didn’t look at her, concentrating instead on getting the ball as close to where Josh was standing as possible.

She ruffled his hair and stole the ball, neatly sending it directly to the other boy’s left foot. "I’ll be at the stage when you’re done, Reed will be at the hot dog booth. Behave yourself."

"I will."

Now, if I were Reed, where would I hide? Good thing I have the car keys. Jae stopped walking, dug her cell phone out of its belt clip and dialed the familiar number.

"Hello."

"You forgot your ice cream." Two small rivulets of melted cream were tracking aimlessly towards her hand, and Jae carelessly swiped her tongue at them before they could make contact with her flesh.

"So I did."

"Are we playing hide and seek, or would you rather be alone?"

"Jae, there are at least five hundred people here so far. I don’t think being alone is an option."

"Hide and seek it is then." That got a snort from the actress and Jae could imagine the slight quirk to the full lips as Reed tried to hide her amusement. "One, two, three, four, five, seven, eight, nine, ten...ready or not Roo, here I come." Now the actress was chuckling out loud and Jae disconnected the call, a smile of her own matching the one she was sure that Reed was wearing.

"Alright, how many six foot tall women in a brown Akubra style hat could there be running around here, hmmm?"

"You talking to yourself again, Hollywood?" One of her bandmates, Mare, fell into step beside her. Stocky, and darker than Jae, Mare was teacher during the week.

"Yep," Jae agreed, continuing to scan the crowd for Reed.

"Cait and Thom coming?"

"Yeah. They should be here in an hour or so. Why?" Everybody came to this thing. It was the place to be seen.

"I need to talk to Cait."

"Unh-hunh." There. Just beside the pony ring, a long body casually leaned against the wooden fence. Now, how do I sneak up on her, without being seen?

She was still fuming internally over her mother’s treatment of Reed. It was one thing when her choices and life were being scrutinized and found lacking, but she wasn’t going to let her friends be attacked. Not anymore.

"Just don’t be late okay?"

"I won’t." Jae walked around the small barn, hoping to approach from Reed’s blind side.

"Is that her?"

"Her?"

"The chica who has you smiling. Mierda Jae, but she is something."

"It’s not like that. We’re just friends. I’m not her type."

"For a woman like that, I would make myself her type," Mare joked.

"That would take about twenty-thousand dollars and four operations. But I’ll take it under advisement." Vanilla ice cream was beginning to grow on her and Jae took another long swipe at the nearly finished cone.

"Later." Mare gave a small wave and split off, heading back toward the parking lot.

"Bye Mare." In the time it had taken to say goodbye, Reed had disappeared, and Jae looked around in confusion. She was just there. In the pony ring, children were being led around the sawdust paddock, bright smiles on their young faces.

"Hello," a low voice drawled in her ear, nearly sending the cone flying as she jumped in surprise.

"Ahh...Reed!" Jae turned to face her friend. One eyebrow was cocked in jaunty humour, and blue eyes twinkled in mirth. "How do you do that?"

"Magic. A little fairy steps out from behind a tree, sprinkles me with pixie dust, and voilà." The actress snapped her fingers in the air.

Reed didn’t seem any worse for wear after the verbal run-in with her mother, but Jae knew that just because nothing showed on the outside, didn’t mean that the waters were calm on the inside.

"When I was a kid, the other girls in the neighborhood would have sleepovers. A bunch of us would just crash at someone’s house. We’d do the pizza and all night movie thing. Cora’s parents had a Beta machine, and I remember watching ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ and having trouble with the ground sausage topping. We were so terrified, but it was fun. I never had a sleepover at my house." Jae stopped walking and was looking out over the lush green foliage of Griffith Park. "That’s not true. I had one." She looked over at the actress. "My mother means well, but she is very wrapped in ought to’s and should be’s."

"S’okay Jae. I should have asked before pumping him full of ice cream."

"No. I left him in your care. My mother has to accept that she can’t control everything, or me. And that little display was directed more at me than you."

"How come you let her call you Jacqueline?"

Reed offered her the last of the waffle cone, and she opened her mouth allowing the actress to pop it neatly between her teeth. "That, Roo, is a very good question." Though if more people would pronounce it like Reed did she might just reconsider using it.

"It suits you, you know."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I do."

… … …

Jae’s band struck the opening chords to the first number and Reed could see the various band members looking out over the crowd as they gauged the audience’s reaction. They had decided to start with something upbeat and boppy, to get the kids interested. ‘Twist and Shout’ had won out over ‘Walking on Sunshine’ and ‘Kharma Chameleon’. Small mercies, she supposed.

The opening strains of ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ dropped onto the crowd’s ears. Applause thundered, drowning the songs final notes. Jae sat on a stool and began picking out the chords of an Indigo Girls cover. Reed couldn’t recall the title, but it was familiar from the time in the hotel in Orlando. The other guitarist waved to the crowd, inviting them to sing along. The words of the chorus washed over the listening crowd and gathered them up, connecting the audience to each other with a common thread of music. Unconsciously, she found, then locked eyes with Jae.

"...So we’re okay, we’re fine. Baby, I’m here to stop your crying, chase all the ghosts from your head. I’m stronger than the monster beneath your bed, smarter than the tricks played on your heart. We’ll look at them together, then we’ll take ‘em apart. Adding up the total of all that’s true. Multiply life by the power of two...."

The words had taken on a new meaning since she’d first heard them, and Reed smiled back at Jae. She stretched her feet out in front of her and leaned back on her hands. Next to her, Aine, Alex and Josh were stretched out finishing the last of a late lunch. She’d finished her turn serving hotdogs and had, happily taken on the task of keeping an eye on the boys and Aine. She was pretty sure that Riordan would like Alex. Maybe when I say hi later, I’ll introduce them.

Movement to the side of the stage caught her eye, and Reed looked over; her eyes were met with a thumbs-up and a cheeky grin. She nodded and smiled, then tapped Alex lightly on the foot. "Hey Kiddo, watch this."

Up on stage, Jae switched from the acoustic to steel electric and began the opening riffs to another song. The spotlights danced around the director before coming to rest just behind the blonde, the backlighting making her appear burnished and golden.

Another guitar wound its notes around the main riff and Reed smiled as the other two guitarists looked around in confusion. Jae was so focused on her music that she simply adjusted and carried on. It wasn’t till the crowd started to scream that Jae turned her head to look at her bandmates.

Reed was close enough that she could see the shocked widening of the emerald green eyes as the director Melissa Etheridge, who had joined them on the stage.

"Mind if I join you?" Melissa Etheridge’s low throaty drawl floated out from the stage.

The rest of the band had recovered and everyone was now playing an improvised intro to the song. Jae shook her head and moved aside to share her mike, a look of wonder and joy on her face.

Satisfied, Reed leaned back again to enjoy hearing Jae play with one of her idols.

"Tell me does she love you like the way I love you? Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you? Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you...Like the way I do?"

"Tell me does she want you, infatuate and haunt you? Does she infect you, seduce you and affect you...Like the way I do?"

The two women wove their voices around each other. Jae’s contralto was a perfect foil for the huskier voice of her companion.

"Can I survive all the implications? Even if I tried, could you be less than an addiction? Don’t you think I know there’s so many others, who would beg steal and lie, fight, kill and die...Just to hold you like I do?"

"Tell me does she love you like the way I love you? Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you? Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you...Like the way I do?"

An appreciative roar swelled from the crowd back to the stage, as they became aware that they were being treated to something special. The band members were clearly enjoying themselves and it seemed that Jae radiated excitement.

Jae’s rich voice carried the chorus through alone the second time. "Nobody loves you like the way I do. Nobody wants you like the way I do. Nobody needs you like the way I do. Nobody aches just to hold you. Like the way I do."

"Tell me does she love you like the way I love you? Does she stimulate you? Attract and captivate you? Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you...Like the way I do?"

"Tell me does she want you, infatuate and haunt you? Does she inject you, seduce you and affect you...Like the way I do?"

The last notes trickled away and Jae leaned over to speak to the other woman, then shot a quick glance out in Reed’s direction. Busted. The director had obviously figured out she had had something to do with the temporary addition to the band. Reed smiled and winked though she knew Jae was too far away to see it.

Echoes of emotion reverberated in the air after the final notes had fallen silent. Jae leaned forward and spoke into the microphone. "Thank-you."

The words were for the crowd but the sentiment was for her, and Reed whispered quietly, "You’re welcome."

Her cell phone chirped and Reed languidly reached into her haversack for the slim Nokia. "Hello."

"Hey," Heidi answered.

The actress looked at her watch, then tucked it back into a pocket, the call was early. "Rio around?"

"Ayup. Out in the yard with Finnegan."

"He rideable yet?" Rio had watched an old Disney re-run of ‘The Swiss Family Robinson’ and had decided that if Ernst could ride an ostrich, he could ride a sheep. It was one of the few animals to which he wasn’t allergic.

"Barely. Geoff’s with him. Heard anything about the interview?"

"No. But Thom Dixon is supposed to drop off his version today, and it’s wait and see how bad the ‘Up Close’ one is." She turned her back slightly to the boys, one eye still on the stage. "This isn’t a really good time for this. I’ll call you later and let you know."

"Right. You want me to get Rio?"

"Later. I want to introduce him to someone. They can do the RPG thing."

"Sounds cool. You meet someone?" Heidi perked up, interested.

What would the answer to that one be? Yes. And No. "No. Nothing like that. Jae’s nephew is with me. I just thought they’d get along. Give me a half hour or so, then we’ll sneak off." The music on the stage was winding down, the last strains drowned by the yells and applause of the audience. Jae would be down soon, then they could slip off for a bit. Thank God for unlimited weekends.

"If you say so. Later then."

"Bye." What in the hell was that supposed to mean? She’d have to remember to ask later. The next act was being introduced and the various members of the band had descended the stairs to the right of the stage.

What’s up with Jae? The director had a grim light in her eyes and the smile on her lips seemed tight to Reed. Next thing she knew, a mob surrounded the blanket. Caitlynn Waters and Thom Dixon had arrived, along with Jae’s mother. She half expected Holly to pop up at any moment, except she knew that the screenwriter had headed up to San Jose to visit friends.

"You okay?" she whispered as Jae settled onto the ground next to her.

"Fine. Just a little overwhelmed, I guess. How’d you pull that off anyway?"

"I just asked. Nothing fancy."

"You just asked?"

"Yep. A polite ‘Hello my name is...would you consider...’ sort of email."

"You’re something else, Roo." Alex climbed into his aunt’s lap and she ruffled his hair. "G’wan, go bug Thom for a bit. I need to talk to Reed."

Alex got up obediently, and to Reed’s surprise gave her a quick hug before dashing after the tall reporter.

"Cute kids."

Jae watched them for a minute. "Yeah, probably as close to parenthood as I’ll get, so I make the most of it."

Over Jae’s shoulder, Reed could see Elizabeth Cavanaugh watching them intently. Feeling protective of her friend, she slid closer. "Well they are pretty lucky." She looked over to where Alex and Aine were wrestling with Thom and Josh, and made her decision. "You want to meet Rio?"

Startled green eyes revealed the answer before the words left the director’s lips. "I’d like that."

"C’mon. I left the laptop in the car."

"You brought your laptop? Most people carry a book, you know."

"Ha ha." Reed stood and reached down a hand, hauling the director to her feet. She pulled a little too hard, and nearly ended up back on the ground with the director on top of her.

"Whoa." Jae laughed, her breath tickling the side of Reed’s neck.

The actress suppressed an involuntary shudder. "Sorry." Green eyes were locked on hers and for a minute, she experienced a disorienting shift in time and place.

"No problem."

Together they set out across the teeming sea of sun-worshiping bodies in the direction of Jae’s car.

… … …

Elizabeth Cavanaugh watched her daughter leave. Jacqueline was engaged with the actress in ways that she wasn’t used to seeing from her daughter. It was like Reed commanded Jacqueline’s full attention, and when they talked it was as still as she had ever seen her youngest child.

Jacqueline had been different right from day one. The intelligent, calm gaze of the newborn had met her own tired eyes and Elizabeth had known that this child of hers was as different from her as two people could get.

Always her daughter seemed to be looking for something that seemed to stay just out of reach. Even her father, though he indulged her, never really understood Jacqueline. None of them had. No one except my father - and then only mother seemed to come close to understanding him. Watching the retreating slender form, she wished that he were still alive.

There wasn’t a box for her daughter. No safe place for the young woman to hang her identity. Jacqueline would have been surprised to learn that her sexuality hadn’t been a secret since she had entered puberty. She’d tried to teach Jacqueline how to at least fake the box - tried to give her the tools to blend in. So she’d tried to force dance lessons and piano, tried to instill a respect for the family traditions and rituals. But her daughter had wanted no part of it, content to follow the path that only she could see.

Standing in the hot afternoon sun, she continued to stare at the retreating form of her daughter and her new lover. Would this one work?

She hadn’t known it then, but that night was the first of many disappointments for her daughter, and somewhere along the line it had broken her heart to see such pain in her child’s eyes, so she’d stopped disagreeing with Jacqueline. The next time, Elizabeth had just nodded and told the girl that not everyone had to have a partner to be complete. That some people were meant for other things.

Is this my fault? Had she unwittingly contributed to Jacqueline’s inability to sustain a relationship? Had she helped create a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe it wasn’t too late to fix

… … …

Her mind in turmoil, Jae walked next to Reed. Will I lose this? They were walking almost shoulder to shoulder, and several times Reed had rested her hand on the small of Jae’s back, guiding her through the growing crowd. It surprised her how much she craved that simple contact. Contact without ulterior motive or expectation, and now, she might lose it.

Not that Reed hadn’t surprised her several times today with a complete lack of reaction to things she was sure would set the actress off. Like openly gay couples. Or seeing sick children. No, on second thought, that didn’t surprise her at all.

"Penny for your thoughts." Reed’s low voice cut through her distracted thoughts.

"Umm, sorry." She would have to tell Reed today. But for now she wanted to enjoy the easy camaraderie.

"How good is Alex at keeping a secret?" It was another of Reed’s abrupt conversational changes.

"About as good as your average nine year old. Why?"

Reed smiled down at her. "I was thinking of letting him do the RPG thing with Rio."

"I’m not sure what an RPG thing is, but I know if it has anything to do with computers he’d love it."

"Role-playing games. Why don’t you boot up the computer, connect the cell like I showed you and I’ll be right back." Reed handed over her cell phone.

"I suppose I could manage that," she said dubiously. "But wouldn’t it make more sense if you booted up and I went to get Alex?"

"It would, if I didn’t need to make a side trip to the facilities. You boot up, and when I get back, I’ll set up with Rio and you can go get Alex."

"Sounds like a plan."

They had reached the car and Jae unlocked the trunk, removing Reed’s pack and opening the cooler tucked under the rear edge. "Thirsty?"

"Yes." Blue eyes peered curiously into the dim recesses of the trunk, then lit up as she spotted something. "Jones’ Cream Soda? I didn’t know you could get that here."

Jae laughed and fished out a bottle of the clear pop. "You can’t. I shot a film in Vancouver, and acquired a taste for it. A friend sends them FedEx."

"You have nice friends."

"I like to think so." Jae said quietly, she held Reed’s eyes and was rewarded with a faint blush.

"Be right back."

The director shook her head in amusement as Reed scrambled away from the car. She grabbed a blanket from inside the trunk and moved over to a shady area under a large tree. Opening her own soda, she leaned back against the smooth trunk and unzipped the laptop case. A slight breeze ruffled her hair, and Jae took a moment to just breathe in the air and absorb the day.

The whirring of the hard drive mixed seamlessly with the sounds of life around her. It was, she thought, a perfect moment. Then she tucked away the calm joy and turned her attention back to the task at hand.

The cell connected without difficulty, and she found the web browser easily, a simple double click opening up the World Wide Web. Ooo, this is interesting. Under bookmarks, she’d found a series of intriguing names, including Holly’s. She clicked on one and the machine chimed at her, so she tried another with the same result.

"Stupid machine," she muttered under her breath.

"What’s wrong?"

Guiltily, she jumped, not having heard the actress return. "I can’t get to this link."

"Why not?"

"Like I’d know - it’s your computer."

Reed sat down next to her, body slightly behind hers, and peered over her shoulder at the screen. "Ah." She typed a few keystrokes, bringing up the page Jae had been trying to access. "Net Nanny."

"Net Nanny?"

"It’s a program to keep Rio out of sites that he’s not supposed to be in."

Curious about what Reed had been reading that would have triggered the net nanny, Jae started to read. The link had obviously picked up in the middle of a story, and as she read, she resisted the impulse to look up at Reed. Holy cow...

Okay, how do I let her off the hook here? On the other hand, is this the opening I’ve been looking for?

"I um found them while looking for more of Holly’s stuff." Reed was looking at the grass, hands twisting about a flat stalk.

The intermittent whirring of the computer’s hard drive underscored the shallow, even breathing of the actress. "You and your research." Jae smiled and then casually opened a link she recognized the name of. "I love these things. Thom put the laugh on Cait’s answering machine, cracked everyone up." Dancing gophers began to line the screen and she giggled. A soft exhalation of air from the body next to her told Jae that she had made the right call.

"Rio likes those too."

She’d have given anything to know what was going on behind those incredible blue eyes, but the moment passed. "I’ll be right back." Jae squeezed Reed’s shoulder and headed off to grab her nephew.

Leaning back on her elbows an hour later, she smiled to herself. Rio and Alex weren’t the only ones who got on well. Every time Alex looked at the actress, hero worship fairly shone from his pale eyes. The ultra-loaded laptop hadn’t hurt her case either. Reed was lounging by her side, eyes closed, hands folded neatly over her tummy, and Jae indulged herself for a minute, just studying the other woman.

The tightness from this morning was gone, and Jae was sure that Reed was enjoying herself. She let her eyes sweep along the lightly muscled arms and over the tanned length of well-formed legs that showed beneath the casual skirt, then back up again, only to fall into the wide open gaze of her friend. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," Reed responded, a slight smile hanging on her lips.

"We should be getting back before they send out a search party."

"Well we did bring a chaperone." Catlike, she rolled onto her stomach and looked up at Jae through bangs that hung sloppily in her eyes.

Without thinking, Jae reached over and gently tucked the stray locks back out of the way. "Ummm, someone had to come keep the two of you out of trouble." There is no way I’m going there, nuh-unh. Chicken, m’grrl? Bawk, Bawk.

"Smartass."

They were both smiling as Jae took the opening and responded to the running joke. "Yeah but I’m your smartass."

"Why Jac-que-line, I do declare. Whatevah would your grandmother say?" Reed teased.

"I’m going to get you for that." Without thinking, Jae pounced on the actress, intending to pin the woman to the ground, and instead found the tables turned.

"You will, will you?" An amused smirk decorated Reed’s face as she purred the words.

"Alex! Help." She lifted her hips off the ground in an attempt to dislodge the actress and succeeded only in giving Reed an open target.

The boy laughingly jumped in and soon they were a tangled mess of arms and legs. Reed’s hands brushed over her sides and she gasped as the sensations registered on her brain and in her body. The skin under her fingers was soft; the light muscles supple as the actress twisted to avoid being tickled. At last their eyes met, and Reed winked. Then by unspoken consent they both turned on Alex, and made him squirm under the combined assault of their fingers.

"Uncle, uncle!"

"You don’t have any uncles," Jae teased, slacking off the attack of her fingers and letting him draw breath.

"Auntie, auntie!"

Jae sat back on her heels and allowed him to sit up.

Reed reached over and tweaked his nose. "C’mon, I think I need another ice cream cone after that. Why don’t you fold up the blanket and stuff?"

"Cool." Alex scrambled to his feet and tried to neatly fold the blanket.

Jae looked down at her friend, surprised to see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "You okay?"

"Never better." There was a moment of silence before Reed continued. "I needed that. I miss him so much sometimes."

"He’s a very lucky little kid."

"I’m the lucky one." Then Reed was up and in motion, taking one end of the blanket from Alex and helping him to stow it in the car.

"Last one back’s a rotten egg," Alex called over his shoulder, already headed back towards the Benefit and its carnival-like atmosphere.

"Oh, he’s clearly your nephew all right." Reed took off running after him, long legs rapidly eating up the distance.

Jae locked the car and broke into a run. Up ahead, she saw Reed reach down, pluck Alex off the ground, and swing him onto her shoulders. "Looks like it’s a tie, tiger," she heard Reed tease Alex.

"Not quite, Roo." Jae laughed, poking Reed in the tummy as she flew past toward the area where her friends and family were still lounging.

She looked around the group for Aine, and instead of her niece, she saw Becky talking with her mother. Intent on leaving before she was spotted, Jae turned quickly and stumbled.

Next thing she knew Reed had a firm grip on her arm, preventing what would have been a nasty fall to the ground. "You all right?"

"Fine." Which was the exact opposite of the truth.

Amber eyes narrow in malice pinned her in place, and Jae swallowed convulsively. A sickly sweet smile was given out, and a matching quirk of an eyebrow sent the director a detailed message.

It was like watching an edit frame by frame through a tape machine. Jae could see every detail. Could see the wind as it batted stray locks of hair around Becky’s head. She could see the faint pinkening of her ex-lover’s alabaster skin as rage and hurt spread, leaving flushed skin in its wake, along with the rise and fall of the dress over a chest struggling to contain its breathing and keep to a regular rhythm. And so too could she see the malice shift and change to confused hurt. To her left she could feel the heat of Reed’s body. Could sense the almost preternatural quickening of the other woman’s breathing in response to the situation. Reed seemed taller somehow, as though she was responding to the intangible shift in atmosphere and picking up on the unspoken threat.

Jae looked around for Cait. Nothing. She was on her own. Please don’t do this, Becky. She silently implored the tall, willowy woman, pleading with her eyes in lieu of words she couldn’t say aloud.

"Why hello. I don’t believe we’ve met." Becky held out a hand towards Reed. "Rebecca Devereaux. I’m an old friend of Jae’s."

Reed took the proffered hand, every nerve in her body throbbing with the tension she could almost see hanging in the air around them. What the hell? "Reed Lewis."

"Becky!" Aine called excitedly.

"Hello Aine, I see you’ve let your hair grow, it’s nice." The tension lessened somewhat as Jae’s niece came to stand with them.

"Do you really like it?"

"Would I lie to you?"

Reed felt like she was missing something. Jae was standing almost rigid, her green eyes warily tracking the movements of the Devereaux woman, occasionally scanning the crowd behind them as though looking for reinforcements. The tension in the blonde’s shoulders seemed to lessen slightly, and Reed followed her gaze to find Caitlynn Waters bearing down on the group.

In child-like contrast, Alex was scuffing the dirt with one foot as he alternated glances between her and the ice cream stand; his interest and priorities far removed from the current situation. Reed winked at him and mouthed, "in a minute." She wasn’t sure whose tender mercies it would be crueler to leave Jae to - those of a woman with whom the director obviously had some issues, or Elizabeth Cavanaugh.

Aine hugged the woman she’d called Becky. "How come you didn’t come with us for breakfast this morning?"

"Cause Reed is Aunt Jae’s girlfriend now, dummy," Alex supplied, shaking his head at Aine.

Reed nearly lost the meaning of the words in the dazzling smile the boy gave her. Her own shock was mirrored back in the silent stares of the people surrounding her. Then the silence fell prey to the roaring heartbeat in her ears as the information sank in and understanding dawned. Jae is gay.

There was frenzied movement around her and she registered that the children had been whisked away. This is not happening, it’s not true, can’t be true. Jae’s silence confirmed the stark truth of the innocent words. But she needed to hear it. Needed the evidence of betrayal made plain. "Is it true? Are you gay?" she asked, the calm tones surprising even her.

"Yes." The admission came as a quiet whisper and Reed avoided contact with the blonde’s eyes. Everything seemed far away, people distant surreal images that flowed like a Salvador Dali painting.

A lilting laugh cut into the hammering thunder beating at her ears and brought the world back into momentary focus. "Out of the mouths of babes."

Without thinking, Reed grabbed the other woman’s arm momentarily preventing her from leaving, then released it. Jae didn’t deserve defending. Deliberately, she turned on a heel and walked away. Don’t think about it, just walk, one step at a time. She repeated the mantra over and over again, moving farther away from the emotional carnage of what had been a close to perfect day.

"Reed, please!" Jae had come around in front of her. "Stop, please."

It was the performance of a lifetime, but somehow she managed to keep moving, to keep her temper in check.

Jae reached out and grabbed her arm. "Reed - "

"Don’t touch me." She yanked her arm away from the smaller woman.

"I tried - "

"Tried to what? Seduce me?" They were away from the crowds now, and Reed let some of the anger she felt surface.

"It wasn’t like that."

"Wasn’t it?" She stepped forward into the director’s personal space and backed Jae up against a car. Projecting all the edgy menace in her repertoire, Reed leaned in and purred, "This is what you wanted, isn’t it?" Their bodies were so close that another inch would be enough to meld them into a single unit.

"Bodies and talent, remember Jae? Is it my body? Do you want me Jae?" she purred silkily, every inch the vixen then closed the gap and brought her mouth down on Jae’s, ignoring the pang of conscience that echoed under the anger and fear.

Reed could see pain and fear reflected back in the eyes she had found open and guileless, but Jae said nothing, made no further attempt to explain away the unforgivable. Her own anger rose in response, driving her to lash out at Jae and hurt her as deeply as possible. To give away some of her own pain. Roughly she kissed the director, drawing a confused response, then abruptly broke away. "Or my talent?" They were both breathing raggedly, the heaving of their chests prolonging the physical contact between them.

"Roan couldn’t have had a better pupil. You learned your lessons well." With that, she moved away from the car and the silent tears of the woman who had broken through walls only to destroy her soul.

The hot metal of the car seared through the thin material of her shirt and left tracks of fire on her back, but Jae was oblivious to the physical pain. Without realizing it, she came to rest on the ground, sharp stones and twigs failing to penetrate the shock.

It was the last thing she had expected. The last place she had thought the information would come from. I didn’t even realize they knew. Becky had been right. Out of the mouths of babes. It would be funny if it didn’t hurt so much. That even Alex had been able to see what neither she or Reed had been willing to acknowledge.

Her mouth still hurt and she could feel the ghost-like imprint of Reed’s mouth on hers. It had all been in that simple savage kiss. Everything she had lost.

But that wasn’t what hurt the most.

No, what hurt the most was Reed’s completely shuttered blue eyes. Eyes that had once been open to her were now shut firmly, the woman behind them once again hidden.

"Jae?" Cait called softly.

"Here." Nowhere. What were the words to that Auden poem again? Pour away the ocean, sweep up the wood. For nothing now can e’er come to any good.

"You okay?"

She didn’t even try to pretend. "No," she admitted quietly. "I’m not."

Her friend came to sit next to her and reached over with one hand. Jae flinched back from the touch. "Don’t."

Cait let her hand fall away, and for a moment Jae regretted her sharp tone. "Okay. Your mother took the twins back with her...what?"

Jae jerked her head up. Had her mother been privy to the little scene with Reed? She tried to remember whereabouts Elizabeth had parked, but she couldn’t seem to think. "Did they come this way?"

"No."

She nodded.

Cait tilted the director’s jaw upwards before Jae could stop the motion. "Does that question have anything to do with why your lip is bleeding?"

Brown eyes were locked on hers as she struggled to find an answer. She took too long.

"Bitch. I swear Jae, if I could whack that woman, I would. She had no right."

"She had every right."

"To hit you? No, Jae. No one has that right."

"She didn’t hit me. Now just drop it." Except her own anger was beginning to rise now and fresh tears of frustration threatened to spill over. I need to get out of here. Abruptly she stood and waved off Caitlynn. "I don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be fine."

And she would have been if when she opened the door of the Saturn she hadn’t been hit by a blast of sandalwood. Through a haze of tears she started the car and aimlessly left behind the shattered remnants of her perfect afternoon. 

… … …

Caitlynn walked slowly back to where the rest of the group waited. This is bad. Very bad. She’d never seen Jae quite like that. The blonde had actually flinched away from something as she’d gotten into her car. And the look of utter desolation that had replaced the fire she was accustomed to seeing in the bright, vivid eyes of green was almost more than she could bear to see.

Wordlessly, she walked up to Thom and let him enfold her in a tight hug, burying her face against his chest, just taking in his solid reality and the tangible warmth he radiated.

"She’s so alone right now."

"I think they both are," Thom said quietly.

She hadn’t considered that. The trickle of blood on the side of Jae’s mouth had wiped whatever sympathy for Reed she had had right out of existence. "It bites, Thom."

"Yeah. It does." He squeezed a little tighter and kissed the top of her head.

"Shit. What if she does another runner?" That was the other distinctly possible outcome of today’s little brouhaha. Reed would just up and quit. It wasn’t like she hadn’t done it before - and over something much less volatile - she’d simply gotten tired of a bedmate-cum-pimp.

"I think that is the least of your problems."

"You’re right. Jae just seemed so small, like she’d been kicked in the stomach."

"Hon, I know you’re biased. But Reed didn’t look much better. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the blood drain out of someone’s face faster than I did hers. She looked like she’d been pole-axed."

Cait nestled against his side and walked toward his car, still tucked comfortably under his arm. "I think that tomorrow morning is going to be very interesting. I can see it now, ‘Director Killed by Modem-wielding Actress’."

"The ‘Up Close’ article is due out tomorrow," Thom reminded her.

"Oh goody. This just goes from bad to worse. You may have more damage control to help with than we thought if what happened today gets out."

"Not if, Babe. This is Hollywood. It’s just a matter of when."

"So Jae discovered," she said ruefully. It would figure that when Jae finally made an honest emotional connection with someone it would be founded on such a devastating dishonesty. Suddenly she was tired, the implosion having sucked as much energy from her as it had from the principals. Even Becky had looked shocked by what had happened. "Thom?"

"Yeah hon?"

"Take me home." She needed very much to be reminded that there was love, that there were happy endings, and that maybe if she had one, then Jae would get one too. Even if her choice was Reed Lewis.

… … …

No keys. No wallet. No fucking clue where in the hell I am.

Now there’s an understatement.

Reed stopped walking and just stood by the side of the road. The cell was in its belt clip, the weight bouncing against her hip as she walked, a reminder that help was a phone call away - if she had had someone to call.

Suck it up. It’s not the first time you’ve had to fend for yourself. Below her, she could see the activity of Hollywood proper. Cars and people buzzed along Sunset and then up to Hollywood Boulevard in an endless circuit, the Saturday night ritual already in progress despite the early hour. It would, she judged, take about an hour and a half to reach the commercial sections versus at least three to get to her house.

"Information. What city please?"

"Hollywood."

"Thank-you. What listing?"

"Money Mart."

"Thank-you. Please hold for that number." The mechanoid voice paused, and Reed could hear the faint clicking of a line being transferred. "The number is 213-555-7917." She disconnected without waiting for the offer to be connected to the number for a small fee. One-handed, she dialed the Money Mart and got the address and business hours.

It struck her as funny that the Money Mart was only a couple of miles away from where she was standing yet was a long distance call, whereas the next number - clear on the other side of the country - was a local one.

"Chappelle residence." Geoff’s strong voice sounded in her ear.

"It’s me. I need you guys to call this number: 213-555-7917, and wire them some money."

"Reed, what’s wrong?" The background noise was muffled and she suspected Geoff was calling his wife over.

"Nothing. So don’t worry Heidi."

"Reed..."

"I said nothing’s wrong. I just lost my keys and wallet. No big deal."

"Okay." He sounded unsure, but didn’t press. "Which account and how much?"

"The new chequing one." It was Saturday night, Jae had her stuff and she was due on set in the morning. Knowing the director, the woman would come after her. "Four hundred." The cell started to chirp insistently, warning her of low battery level. "Fuck. I need to go. I’ll call from the hotel."

Arriving at a hotel without a wallet, vehicle or luggage severely reduced the options of where you could stay in this town. Outside her window, she could see the battered defunct neon sign that told the world that this was the Chesterfield Hotel. She’d paid a week in advance, ten bucks extra for her own bathroom, five bucks for sheets and five more as deposit on a second pillow.

It wasn’t much. It wasn’t even cozy. But the door locked, and best of all, it was the last place anyone would look for her. With the bed made up, she had nothing left to do - no immediate crisis or problem to solve - and the afternoon came crashing down on her again.

How could I have been so fucking stupid?

She was your friend.

NO! She used me. Played me like a fish and I fell for it completely.

Are you sure you didn’t fall for her?

She pulled the pillow over her head in a useless effort to drown out the mocking internal voice. It sure as hell explained a lot though. And to think, I was beginning to blame myself for what was happening. It was her.

Right. It was her fault you got so turned on you needed to seek relief in the shower. Right. The thing she hated most about the antagonistic little voice was how clearly she could hear the sarcastic drawl - and how much it sounded just like she did.

"I don’t need to think. I need a fucking drink. Or ten." The image in the mirror failed to contradict her, so she headed out the door, taking care that it was locked securely behind her.

It should have been relatively easy to buy alcohol in a state that sold it in corner stores. But for some reason her mind refused to co-operate, and she’d been to a half dozen stores before she’d been able to choose something. She’d even lost track of how long she’d been wandering around the squalid streets of Hollywood.

Gum spattered stars with bronze icons lined the sidewalks which served as tangible proof of the deification the public awarded the bright lights and big stars. The streets were filling up; the doorways and eateries much more crowded than in her last couple of circuits. In her hand the plastic bag with plastic cups and plastic courage began to cut into her palm, the weight pressing the handles into her skin.

The bright cacophony of the city streets hurt her ears, hurt her head and grated on her nerves. But the silence of the hotel room was worse so Reed forced herself to keep walking until finally she couldn’t take the press of people and noise anymore.

She cut up along Vine, and walked back along Hollywood Boulevard. Sleek racing bikes that had never been out of the city carried their cargo of buff men and underdressed women in an unending stream; convertibles crammed to capacity with college co-eds crawled by; pedestrians weaved in and out of the parade of humanity on display. Reed watched them all, the intoxication they felt at being part of the mass spectacle lost on her. There were whistles and invitations but none of it touched her.

The dirty concrete steps of the hotel were in front of her; somehow she must have turned onto North Hudson, but she didn’t remember doing it. In her room, Reed left the lights off and sank into a battered chair that smelled vaguely of bleach, vomit, urine and cigar smoke.

She’d bought cigarettes but didn’t bother to light one. Instead she poured a generous amount of Ol’ Grandad into a plastic cup. The first swallow stung and cut at her throat, but she downed the whiskey anyway.

Outside, the wind had picked up with the setting of the sun and the blinds banged against the chipped windowsill. Reed suddenly felt the need to see the stars and it depressed her that she couldn’t.

No stars, no water or waves.

Wonder if that’s where Jae is?

Angrily, she crushed the plastic cup, annoyed to have Jae invade her thoughts, annoyed that she gave a damn about where the director was. Sharp plastic had scored the side of her hand and she watched tiny droplets of blood well up in the wound.

Under the whiskey, she could taste the remnants of the copper tang from her rough assault on Jae’s mouth. She couldn’t call it a kiss. It hadn’t been.

But you want it to be.

Yes.

Reed poured more whiskey in a fresh glass and downed it in one smooth motion, the fire skipping her mouth and igniting in her belly. The bottle beckoned her, its dark liquid and mind-numbing promise an easy solution to the turmoil raging through her mind.

That was wrong. You shouldn’t have done that. But she had wanted to know, needed the proof of Jae’s guilt - and had been given more than she’d bargained for. Another fifth of the potent alcohol slid easily down her throat.

A faint buzz was starting now and fuzzy warmth was spreading through her body. Reed poured another glass, but didn’t drink from it, content to let what she had already consumed do its job. Oblivion was a nice thought - but it also meant being out of control.

So what now?

I could walk away. The new contract had released enough money so that added to what ‘Up Close’ had paid, Rio’s surgery was no longer out of reach or a hardship. The worst Jae could do would be to sue for non-performance, and by the time that came to court, the money would be long since spent.

You promised.

And you’re blameless? She knew she wasn’t. Awareness of her own complicity only increased the anger, there was no way to mitigate her own responses, or choices.

She fucking promised too. Promised a friendship she couldn’t deliver. Had used friendship to manipulate and seduce her. And she’d wanted it so badly she’d ignored the voice in her head that knew better. That knew there was always a price.

Reed rolled a mouthful of whiskey around her tongue, absorbing the alcohol, and savoured the taste. This time she wasn’t going to be the one to pay it.

… … …

Jae drove without thought or direction. Halfway to Santa Monica, it occurred to her that she couldn’t remember any traffic lights - never mind if she had stopped at the red ones. The metallic copper taste of blood lingered in her mouth, a tangible link to her guilt.

What do I do now? How do I salvage a working relationship out of this? Would Reed’s promise hold? Or will I walk on the set tomorrow morning only to find I have lost more than my best friend.

And there was another thing to consider. It would, if Reed walked off the set, most likely cost her her career. The one slim hope she had was that Riordan would hold Reed to the contract. But you released the restrictive clauses on the ‘Balance’ contract and she signed it yesterday.

"Rule number one, Cait: Never ever mix business and pleasure. And I blew it." She hadn’t even let Becky read for walk-on parts in the movie. You blew more than that, m’grrl.

"What’ll I do of she walks out?" Jae turned a corner and parked the car in an empty slot along the shoreline. The wind had picked up with the setting sun and a stiff breeze blew in from the Pacific. Rose-coloured rays danced along the undulating waves, giving the ocean a fantasy appeal.

"What do I do if she doesn’t?" Oy. That was harder. If Reed walked off, that was it - it was over and done with. But if she came back. If she came back, I have to find a way to work with her.

If you can find a way to work with her, m’grrl, then maybe. Jae cut the errant thought off and opened the trunk to remove the blanket. A black briefcase style tote looked back up at her. Reed’s laptop, and her purse, and the hat. She didn’t know why, but she lifted the hat out of the trunk and ran her thumb along the edges of the brim before putting it on.

It was miles too big. And it fit just right.

Jae wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, the rough nap of the Mexican weave comforting against her bare arms, and walked toward the pounding surf. Maybe the noise of the ocean would drown the voice in her head that would not let her forget her guilt.

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